Sharing for a Friend.....
Falling Down the Rabbit Hole is Real.... So are the consequences to taking a position one is overqualified for....
I took a position I was overqualified for and it has been a problem since. I quickly realized that I had way too much experience and was a threat to the status quo. The area of my expertise was a closed system and I was not included in the mix. The position I should have had was as was taken.
Then I went into another situation where I was was cut short in an interview for not managing my time during the interview and in both instances they hired external candidates. I was overqualified and trying too hard to sell myself. Of course, no matter what the situation, I came out with egg on my face.
Then I applied for another position and although I did not aspire to it, I wanted to find a niche for myself in the organization and be a part of a team. For this one I applied and then pulled out of the process.. more than once. I am told it was a combination of fear and lack of interest but truth be told I really did not want the position and it reflected poorly on me....
fear
/ˈfir/
noun
- an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat."he is prey to irrational fears"
verb
- be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening."farmers fear that they will lose business"
So I leave myself with questions? Do I fit? Should I have to work so hard to fit in and be accepted? Is there a pathway for me? I was made a part of a racial equity team and then I was removed as the team continued. Was I not acceptable? If inclusion is the name, why was I ostracized? Are they questioning my intent or my ability to send a message?
Is the fact that I have been overlooked for positions that have gone to people with much less experience a reflection on me or the organization? Is it my age?
I speak up. Respectfully and privately and not in a way to demean anyone... have I made myself too familiar? Allowed my kindness and sensitivity to overrule? Am I too open? Do I presume too much?
Do I see myself as a threat? Kind of. My mental toughness, my collaboration and people skills, and my ability to take a lot seem to be a threat to the status quo... Or maybe it is me? Misplaced? I know I feel a lack of fit.. Am I too arrogant?
Maybe I am too pristine enough for the place. Maybe I am a worker bee and not an executive.. I am pretty hands on and down to earth and don't get caught up in a lot of the pretense Maybe I should change?
I have been given opportunity to take the lead in some places but they are not my style and I am sure it appears that I am not a team player... but I cannot do what I cannot do. I am a behind the scenes player... a technical supporter. I lead and direct...
I have resentment. I know it.
1. I resent the way they have stacked people based on favoritism and do not allow any diversity in approach or opinion.
2. I resent that I was shot down mid interview because I was going over on my time and in spite of the fact that I have given time to the organization I was not considered.
3. I resent that I have to jump through hoops and prove myself to get any movement there and that I have been pigeonholed. I feel like I am an embarrassment.
4. Most of all I resent the fact that I have allowed myself to be under employed and that I am seen by top leadership as not good enough.
5. I resent that I come to work and do work and work behind the scenes to clean up messes made by those they have hired who have no experience and I am still seen as not good enough.
I work hard, do my work, keep myself current, support others, but I stay out of the limelight. I am not a fast talker or a member of the "chosen". I don't want to be but I know my stuff and I want to build systems. And I want to be paid for the work I do and the expertise I have.....not treated like an afterthought.
I want to be respected for who I am and for what I give. I want to be treated with respect for my expertise and my experience and I do not want to be mistreated because I am too real or two nice. One lady there actually died and I think in part it was due to the politics there and the way they pushed her out.
Favoritism and it is wrong. Not to say that I have not done my part in the problem,,, reacting to the exclusion and embarrassment with fear and uncertainty.
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I know that I am also in a position that is misplaced and a compliance issue. I report to people who have no clue of the work I am being asked to do. I am expected to lead work with people with higher positional authority and they ignore me when I request what is needed. It will all come out in the wash eventually but it is frustrating... I have played the game for a few years but it is taking a toll on my self and my health.
A big lack of understanding...
I also know that anyone reading this can easily say that I have a problem... that I have let opportunities go... that I have been too vocal, complained too much, spoken out.. And they would be right.. I don't believe I am a problem employee but I have let things pass by and been too outspoken to the top leader who I thought I could trust and who I thought valued my opinion. Now I feel like I am viewed as a joke...
Being down here at the bottom I can see the dynamics at work...
People hide a lot and upper management can get by with bullying and not be seen through... if they wish to hold someone back....
I can see how the people who have been at it there are being pushed aside and treated as not good enough in lieu of the bright and shiny...
Am I a trouble maker? Not really...only for myself when I speak out or try to control too much...but now I feel a sense of resistance.. a need to hold me back and not let me get too much power...I don't see any opportunity there... maybe it is fit.....
My question:
Do I move on and build again or do I stay and fight?
Is this political environment with exclusion right for me?
Am I a failure because I cannot make it there?
Do I keep pushing back and try to get accepted or pull back and walk away? I have never been one to push back...
Do they really even know who I am? I think not.
I am smart and I have a lot of experience. I am not afraid to speak up and I have diversity in experiences so I can pretty much jump in anywhere, assess, and start making things more aligned. It is not an overload of ego.. I respect positional authority and I work as a team when needed. I can quickly see the big picture and a vision and sometimes that is a detriment... I take my time and build relationships but have a wealth of experience that builds my foundation...
I feel like I am in the way and a threat and now I am pigeon holed in a place where the position is wrong and no one seems to listen...
And I am playing small..
Playing small to avoid conflict
Playing small because I feel like a failure
Playing small because I am a people pleaser by nature and want to blend in.
Playing small because I do not want to have to fight and compete and one up with others.
