And now for the first time... it's all about her. Life becomes precious when starts planning retirement.
Me?
Well I am a hot mess. I let yet two more good jobs go. Why? Confidence. I have no confidence. I make plans and then I pull back.
I do not stand behind my word and I am remorseful afterwards. I have a problem. A big problem. And I have to get a hold of it. I am in 12 step program, doing the steps. I have gratitude in my life. I do not need to be famous. Of course yes I am a special snowflake but I cannot seem to connect with the world.
Yesterday was the worse. I let a great opportunity pass. But why? Because I am done with districts and I am done with being pigeonholed. I like freedom but i am under employed. I need to run the show and call the shots. I need to get out of the rut I am in.
I live in a mausoleum. I am cramped in. I live in the Bay Area where people are all about themselves. I hate it. No cultural sensitivity. Big I am not sure I want the ultra urban. I want laid back. Easy. No stress. No expectations.. just time to take care of me and enjoy my people. I want peace.
I need an out. I need to thrive. I want to sign up for the urban superintendent's academy but I am not too keen on spending the money.
Not sure it will help but I need to stay in the field. I need to keep writing. This is a crazy lady blog. Nothing good anyone will gain from this unless it is a stream of consciousness. But get this...
I have reconnected with my bad boy boyfriend from the 80's. People would think I am crazy and I probably am but not any more crazy than I am in getting a tattoo for my 63rd birthday, planning to leave all of my stuff to my niece and nephew. I stop with the small hand gun. But maybe a new TV and a new mattress.
