Our family just experienced the first Christmas without mom... December 2023
I participated in a grief group from September-December which provided an outlet for emotional support with like minded people. It gave me an anchor in my grief.. A safe place to grieve...
If you are in grief.. this group provides a safe place to grieve and find support while learning new skills and building new relationships. Google It... They are everywhere..
The First Christmas Without Mom
Reflections
1. Every day I am sad when I realize Mom will never be back.
2. For this Christmas our family intentionally created new traditions combined with set traditions to fill the void of Mom's loss and create some new realities...
3. We had reminders of Mom on the tree...
4. We grew up going to church on Christmas Eve as a family. Through the years we strayed from this as other activities took precedence. This year I re instituted this tradition in honor of both of my parents.
5. We found little spaces during meals and activities to toast mom, remember mom, and miss mom.
Christmas 2022
6. Our hearts are still broken which is now being replaced by a tenderness with each other.
7. Six months does make a difference in the grieving process.... Surviving the first Christmas was significant...
8. Feel your feelings... I find places to have a good hard cry..and sometimes it comes in waves.... anything can trigger it...
9. I tend to reflect back.. the past year.. my mom dealing with her illness.. her needs.. her requests... I can only say that I was intentional to be there for her but even so, I missed some of the signs... Stay alert when elderly parents are failing.
10. The foundation of dealing with the first Christmas without Mom is the faith that we were given in our growing up years.
11. Take All the Time Needed to Grieve but Keep Moving On.... Respect Your Mom and Honor Her Wishes for You in Your Life...
12. After losing both parents, no matter how secure one's life may be, a safety net is gone... there is no one to throw it up to.... Feelings of fear of abandonment, neediness, or feeling like one has lost the anchor in life are common... Talk them through, know they are normal, and build strength...
13. Another common reaction to the death of a parent is a feeling of wanting to make life better in honor of the parent... do it! The death of a parent brings us closer to our own mortality... follow your dreams... #doitnow
Moving On
1. Find a replacement for the voids that are left in the person's absence.
2. Set aside a time to let the grief take over each day and don't fight the feelings.
3. Moving on in grief means that the grief does not get smaller, but one's world gets bigger..
4. The best way to honor the person lost is to take the best of them and what they mean to you and funnel it into a new beginning.
5. The loss of mom never goes away, it just becomes more livable.
6. Everyone grieves differently.. relationships change... respect the process.
7. The firsts really are tough.. breathe through it and walk through it and respect your feelings.
The “year of firsts” includes all those special occasions and holidays that take place during the first year of grieving the loss of a loved one. This includes birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day and, of course, the winter holiday season
8. Find a healthy outlet for feelings.. journaling, exercising, volunteering.
9. Grief does get easier at six months. One day you realize that the way through grief is to find a new you while helping others through the process...
10. Continue to memorialize the person you have lost...
Reflection
Not meaning to sound morbid but....
Death is final.. do everything for the funeral or memorial and when you have access to the person's physical self because death is immediate and you only have one go around..
Our funeral home took a thumbprint from Mom before she was cremated and I will always treasure having that necklace.
I am acutely aware now of people who are dying or aging at the age of my mom...She was 89 and we were preparing for her 90th birthday.. 11/21/23
Respect Age....
Regardless of the situation... have patience and take time...
Dealing with an elderly parent is not always easy...but we will all get there one day... Be present... Listen.. Validate...
Take time when you can... leave no room for regrets... capture moments in pictures or videos... say the words necessary when everyone is healthy...
Enjoy the moments...respond to concerns...create special memories.. There are never enough but you will treasure the memories later...
We survived the first Christmas without mom... And we have other firsts coming up... Valentine's Day... Mother's Day... the one year anniversary of Mom's death...
Grief is moving on... not forgetting.. but channeling the past to a new beginning.... 💗💗
A gratitude list each day makes everything brighter...
Final Destination
We are taking Mom back to Illinois in June of 2024 to do a final burial with Dad... that will be another day of honor and respect as we honor the First Year Without Mom...
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If you have recently experienced the death of a parent.. a friend.. a loved one... and are grieving.. it does get better... time does heal... reach out for people to talk to...feel and grieve in your own way... keep the process moving and do not get stuck... Grief is indicative to the love we experienced... Each person's process is their own... 💔
Most of all... Practice Self-Care...
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2024 will be the first year of my life when my Mom is not in it.... We learn.. we grow... we grieve.. we use the grief for good... we appreciate.. we honor feelings without getting stuck... these are the gifts we give as we deal with the Firsts Without Mom...
