Another person who has made a big difference in my life is my sister in law, Kim Rohlfing. Kim made the first difference with me when she made my brother happy. The first time we met was at a party and Kim thought I was his date. Then later she discovered I was his sister and all has been well since.
Kim is fun and fun to hang out with. She has loads of friends and she volunteers to help out all of the time. She was instrumental in supporting both my cousin Pat and my Uncle Cecil when they were sick and later passed away. Kim likes country music, camping, and hanging out with friends. She has been team mom for her kids in all capacities and reaches out to help people in need. She plays Bunco and has a close circle of friends. She is very close to her family also.
Kim and I are buds. We have had some fun nights drinking till the cows come home and we have had some experiences where we were very serious in taking care of family. I respect her and I love to go there and hang out and play yahtzee. Christmas Eve at her house is what makes the holiday. Kim is someone I respect as both my sister in law and as my friend. I know that if I need anything she is there and I also know we can have lots of fun when we get together.
Kim is a great mom. She has to her credit both Sarah and Jared who are good people with strong values and no sense of pretense. She is present and she is involved and her kids know she will be there for them. She has instilled in them a sense of reality regarding people and she has made a difference in my connection to my family in general. Kim allows us all to keep it real and fun and when necessary, really fun.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Jared
One of my top ten is Jared Rohlfing. Jared is the apple of my eye. He is my nephew and I think he is funny, smart, and a great all around guy. Jared has always had his own mind. He is very self sufficient and does not seem to need a lot of people around. He has played football since he was young and this year took over soccer. Jared has a great sense of humor. He is funny and he does funny things to make people laugh. He also is great with younger kids and takes them under his wing when he is at events. Jared has a girlfriend and they go to movies a lot and hang out at the mall. Jared is good to his parents and he is very smart. he makes great grades in school and he is well liked by his teachers and his peers. During his freshman season, he was given an award for his leadership in football. He is very athletic and talented in athletics. Jared is my buddy. I love him so much. When he was little he used to come to my house and swim and stay the night. He would use all of the bandaids when he fixed scrapes and we would drive all around town. Now is he growing up and I have a lot of respect for the young man he is becoming. Jared is a fun loving individual with so much to give to the world.
Chris
One of my top influences in my life is my brother, Chris Rohlfing. Chris and I are fifteen months apart in age and the closest i will ever have to a twin. We have always been close and he loves me unconditionally. Chris was always the quiet one while I was the one always intervening and creating havoc. Questionaing and rebelling. Chris is also very smart. He is good in math and English and he is a geologist. he works from home which has given him time to do the job he is the most proficient at, being a Dad.
When I wanted to move back to California, Chris brought his kids with him and they flew back to MO and drove me out to California. He and Kim have alwasy opened their house to me on holidays and I know he will be there for me if I ever need anything.
Chris is a great person. He likes fantasy football and likes to stay up late and watch movies. He works from home so he has been able to be a big part of his kids' growing up years. Chris is funny. He likes all forms of music, esp. the Beatles. He rolls with things and does not get too shook about much but keeps a handle on what is important.
Chris has been a support to his kids. He coaches Jared's teams and has made a big impact on people in Ventura. He is fair and kind and upholds what he believes to be the right thing to do. This was evident when he went to bat for a football colleague who was accused of some crimes. Chris is well respected by people who meet him. he is firm but fair with his kids and has taught them right from wrong. He instills in them a respect for people, and hard work, and education. He is there for them and his family is first.
Chris wss the person who found my dad when he died. Of all of the people who were affected by this death, I think he suffered the most trauma. He was only 13 and did not have what he has been able o give his kids- an attentive father. Chris immediately took over the role of being there for Sue when our dad died and he was there for her through all of her years growing up. he is patient with our mom and he is just an all around good guy.
I have always said if I could find someone as good as Chris, I would marry them in a minute. One of my top ten for sure in people who have made a difference in my life and continue to do so.
Gail
Gail Lockart is not only my aunt, but my mentor and my friend. She is the rock of gibraltar for me when I need something and especially when I need a reality check.
Gail grew up in Vandalia, IL and has three children and loads of grandkids. She married my Uncle Roy in the late 7os which was around the time I graduated from high school. I remember when I graduated she gave me a group of poems that she had written. This was my first interaction with her and I was so impressed with her support and her insignt and knowledge about education.
Gail is a teacher. She taught elementary school and gifted education. My Uncile Roy died young and he was the love of her life. Gail had many friends in Vandalia and was well respected as a school board member and a teacher. Gail was always my go to person when I needed advice about career and my life. She and I were very close and always had fun watching movies and discussing books and such over coffee. She also always made sure I was taken care of. When I graduated from high school with my teaching degree Gail bought me all kinds of teacher stuff.
At a time in my life when I did not have a lot of parental support, she was my support system and always still makes me feel like I can move mountains. Gail got me involved in middle school when I wanted to know more about it. She was working at Vandalia Middle School at the time and was involved in the transformation. It was also at this time that she was hired to teach college classes at Eastern IL University. She was there for me when I finished my masters and she was there for me when I had surgery. She came to visit me on Christmas when I did not come to California so I would not be alone. Gail moved from Vandalia to EIU and spent fifteen years at the college as a teacher. In this time she presented all over the world at the middle school association conferences. Gail loves movies and she is an avid reader.
She is strong and she has strong opinions on how things should be. Gail is very strong in her faith. She believes in God's will for our lives and she keeps her focus on his expectations. Gail is also fun and funny. She is fun to hang with and shop or go to movies and she is fun to talk with. Gail manages her money wisely and she is self sufficient. I respect Gail because she is unconditional and because she is strong in her beliefs. Gail Lockart is in the Top Ten and one of the top of my 365. She knows my life, my triumphs, and my heartaches.
Gail is a teacher. She taught elementary school and gifted education. My Uncile Roy died young and he was the love of her life. Gail had many friends in Vandalia and was well respected as a school board member and a teacher. Gail was always my go to person when I needed advice about career and my life. She and I were very close and always had fun watching movies and discussing books and such over coffee. She also always made sure I was taken care of. When I graduated from high school with my teaching degree Gail bought me all kinds of teacher stuff.
At a time in my life when I did not have a lot of parental support, she was my support system and always still makes me feel like I can move mountains. Gail got me involved in middle school when I wanted to know more about it. She was working at Vandalia Middle School at the time and was involved in the transformation. It was also at this time that she was hired to teach college classes at Eastern IL University. She was there for me when I finished my masters and she was there for me when I had surgery. She came to visit me on Christmas when I did not come to California so I would not be alone. Gail moved from Vandalia to EIU and spent fifteen years at the college as a teacher. In this time she presented all over the world at the middle school association conferences. Gail loves movies and she is an avid reader.
She is strong and she has strong opinions on how things should be. Gail is very strong in her faith. She believes in God's will for our lives and she keeps her focus on his expectations. Gail is also fun and funny. She is fun to hang with and shop or go to movies and she is fun to talk with. Gail manages her money wisely and she is self sufficient. I respect Gail because she is unconditional and because she is strong in her beliefs. Gail Lockart is in the Top Ten and one of the top of my 365. She knows my life, my triumphs, and my heartaches.
Sue
Also in the Top 365 and one who should be in the way top is my sister, Sue Ellen Gleaves.
I love my sister.
Sue Ellen is 11 years younger than me and I consider her one of my best friends. Sue loves the Cardinals and the Blues and she is a biologist. She is married to Richard who is also in my top list. Sue was six when our dad died and she grew up in the 80's. She is smart and fun and very much a person of her own opinion. Sue is a naturalist and an animal lover. She has three dogs and was also a cat lover for many years. She is very confident and satisfied with herself. She has strong faith and loves her family and I respect her because she does not have to garner a lot of attention from other people to feel worthy
Sue is a cook. She loves to cook and she and Richard have a big garden in their back yard. I have always felt the need to protect her and would go to the end of the earth for her if she needed anything. This is because she is my sister and I love her so much. Sue is reslient and strong and she has strong convictions. She loves to go to see Stockton Thunder play and she also loves the Cardinals. Once she came to visit me and we got her tickets to go to the Cardinal game. Funny story that we obtained the scalper for the tickets from a police officer. We have fun when Sue is around (And Richard). We like to drink some brewery beers and watch movies and she is fun to just sit and talk to. She loves Hunger Games and Sons of Anarchy and is a tv buff just like my mom. She is loved by all of us and she and my niece Sarah look, act, and talk the same. We think Sue was cloned.
Sue works as a TA at Stanislaus and is a darn good one. She even just won an award. My best memories of Sue are when she was around when I was older and she was little like when I graduated from college and on my 21st birthday. She probably thought I was a crazy older sister. Her wedding was beautiful and she designed it herself.
When I need a reality check, I call Sue cause I know she will tell it to me the way I need to hear it.
When I want to go out and have some beers or go to Neptune's Net, I wait for Sue and Richard cause I know I will have fun. If you want to remind her of her recent cruise, just call her Suey...:)
I love my sister.
Sue Ellen is 11 years younger than me and I consider her one of my best friends. Sue loves the Cardinals and the Blues and she is a biologist. She is married to Richard who is also in my top list. Sue was six when our dad died and she grew up in the 80's. She is smart and fun and very much a person of her own opinion. Sue is a naturalist and an animal lover. She has three dogs and was also a cat lover for many years. She is very confident and satisfied with herself. She has strong faith and loves her family and I respect her because she does not have to garner a lot of attention from other people to feel worthy
Sue is a cook. She loves to cook and she and Richard have a big garden in their back yard. I have always felt the need to protect her and would go to the end of the earth for her if she needed anything. This is because she is my sister and I love her so much. Sue is reslient and strong and she has strong convictions. She loves to go to see Stockton Thunder play and she also loves the Cardinals. Once she came to visit me and we got her tickets to go to the Cardinal game. Funny story that we obtained the scalper for the tickets from a police officer. We have fun when Sue is around (And Richard). We like to drink some brewery beers and watch movies and she is fun to just sit and talk to. She loves Hunger Games and Sons of Anarchy and is a tv buff just like my mom. She is loved by all of us and she and my niece Sarah look, act, and talk the same. We think Sue was cloned.
Sue works as a TA at Stanislaus and is a darn good one. She even just won an award. My best memories of Sue are when she was around when I was older and she was little like when I graduated from college and on my 21st birthday. She probably thought I was a crazy older sister. Her wedding was beautiful and she designed it herself.
When I need a reality check, I call Sue cause I know she will tell it to me the way I need to hear it.
When I want to go out and have some beers or go to Neptune's Net, I wait for Sue and Richard cause I know I will have fun. If you want to remind her of her recent cruise, just call her Suey...:)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Heike
Heike is number 359 in people who make a difference. I met Heike in 1998 when I went to work at Ferguson Middle School. At the time she was the AV clerk and I was the new Dean of Students.
Heike is from Germany. She met her husband and became a nanny for his son. As time went on she married Ron and he adopted her two daughters. Heike is fun, loyal, and strong as a person.
Heike and I became immediate friends. She does not get involved in too much stuff and she is loyal to the end. She and I like to go to Bread Company or the Pasta House and we would go there for lunch. One year she cooked dinner for us all on Thanksgiving. Heike lets people be themselves. She accepts you for who you are and loves you unconditionally.
When I became principal, Heike became the office manager. She and I learned the job together. I knew I could always count on her to have my back. People respect Heike for her honesty and genuine attitude. She is a leader and keeps a low profile as she leads. She cares about Ferguson and Ferguson Middle and takes care of people.
She had a couple of losses after I left, her son Chris and Ms. Joanne. I know this hit her hard but she bounced back and she and Ron adopted her grandaughter Kristen. Now she is a mom again and raising a small toddler.
Heike is now very active in the Union at FFSD. She is good at her job and she is an advocate for others. She will keep things balanced and fair. I had the pleasure of seeing Heike again in 2010 for the first time in five years. It was like we had never been a part.
Heike is kind and loving, strong and loyal, and a role model for me to follow. She is unconditional and never strays from her love for the people she cares about.
Heike is definitely one of the top ten.
Heike is from Germany. She met her husband and became a nanny for his son. As time went on she married Ron and he adopted her two daughters. Heike is fun, loyal, and strong as a person.
Heike and I became immediate friends. She does not get involved in too much stuff and she is loyal to the end. She and I like to go to Bread Company or the Pasta House and we would go there for lunch. One year she cooked dinner for us all on Thanksgiving. Heike lets people be themselves. She accepts you for who you are and loves you unconditionally.
When I became principal, Heike became the office manager. She and I learned the job together. I knew I could always count on her to have my back. People respect Heike for her honesty and genuine attitude. She is a leader and keeps a low profile as she leads. She cares about Ferguson and Ferguson Middle and takes care of people.
She had a couple of losses after I left, her son Chris and Ms. Joanne. I know this hit her hard but she bounced back and she and Ron adopted her grandaughter Kristen. Now she is a mom again and raising a small toddler.
Heike is now very active in the Union at FFSD. She is good at her job and she is an advocate for others. She will keep things balanced and fair. I had the pleasure of seeing Heike again in 2010 for the first time in five years. It was like we had never been a part.
Heike is kind and loving, strong and loyal, and a role model for me to follow. She is unconditional and never strays from her love for the people she cares about.
Heike is definitely one of the top ten.
Scrappy Bosses
Boss from Hell- Who made a difference in negative way
November 21, 2010
Well, the last two years of my life have been pretty tough but I am not going to let them get me down. The last two years have been my opportunity to experience the boss from hell. I was hired to take over a struggling school in July of 2008. I originally turned down the offer and probably should have followed my gut at that time and let it go. But I did not. I have had a pretty good career, but do find that API scores and being a principal is not my thing. I will be probably moving out of that mode in the next job.
When I started there they had just run out the last principal. Principals usually make it there for about two years before they run them out and put someone else in. One district regime was on the outs and another was coming in which also could have been my first indication to stay put. But I took the chance mainly because I hated the weather in the district I was currently working in as principal. I also took a bit of a pay cut and ended up having to work more days in the school year. Looking back it was all of a kind of bad move.
I guess I kind of play a victim or so I am finding because I do tend to attract bullies. I think this is because I am pretty nice and compliant and do my job and advocate for teachers. It pisses off those who like the command and control mode. I also have a lot of experience and tend to intimidate people.
Boss from hell came into my life after the man who hired me left. My first opportunity to meet him was at a party in December of 2008. This of course was hosted by the current other BFHII. Boss from hell has no compassion. He is from a poor home and is a fighter and has very little class. No compassion. He wants to make kids “tough” and he is a strong advocate for vocational ed. Blue collar all the way, boss from hell is a climber. He is narcissistic and he would walk on anyone to get what he wants. He prides himself on being a scrapper. Lives for winners and losers and hates women in administration. He took some time for us at the party and then was whisked out by his wife. I have heard that his wife rules the roost which is probably why he is so power hungry. She probably emasculates him regularly.
Our next meeting came during Christmas break that year. He came into my office and his look of disgust was apparent. His distaste for me, my office, and my style was very evident. BFH wants a sleek, innovative, and streamlined process. I was there once too. Until I realized that you have to have a balance. I am overweight and that day was wearing jeans as I was cleaning out files. I anticipated that he would take a chance to get to know me, see where I had been, and talk about goals. Nope. BFH could have cared less about what I brought to the table. He came to let me know what his plans were. I immediately knew that this relationship was not going to work. BFH had his agenda set and it had nothing to do with meeting people where they were.
BFH then took off and that was the beginning of the end for me. Our next encounter that I remember was during a branch meeting. He was pontificating as he usually does and letting us know that the supt wanted the teachers in dress code. His tone is cool. He talks down to us, and he does not impress me at all. Probably because he has no use for me and never did. I have read that during mobbing incidents, the scapegoat becomes almost invisible. That was BFH’s desire I think. That day I asked a question about dress code and he lost his cool. That was the end of our relationship for me. I discussed my distaste with his style with A colleague who later went right to him and shared the conversation. My mistake, do not trust anyone.
Our next incident occurred one day when we had a fight at school. I was home with a broken water heater and we had an incident which involved an employee hitting a student. He came unglued with me the next day. Never mind that I was not even there, or that the employees involved made wrong choices or that the ones involved were ones I had inherited from previous administration. It was my fault and I was at fault. Somewhere in here he also went off on my for my leadership and made me discuss which teachers were ineffective and let me know that he wanted me to put in writing each teacher and what I was going to do with them. I was appalled that he would take such a Woman Hater Id. Not to discuss it and problem solve about any issues, but that he wanted me to put it in writing. I let him know then that I did not feel any sense of trust with him or with his regime and that I would finish the year and then move on. He then backpedaled and sent me an email and let me know that he and the supt were totally in synch with me and so that was the end of that.
For awhile after that, things went well. I know that the supt also does not approve of my looks or my actions or me in general. He is divorced, had an affair, dumped both the wife and the mistress, and is pretty narcissist. Talks a lot of stuff but does not seem to follow through. They all seem to think women are pretty disposable. Also, Woman Hater II, head of another organization, who I really liked at first, found out he is the same way. If I knew the truth, he has probably been banging Victim II and Victim I, now is divorced and will probably throw both of them to the side. Just a perception of course.
I met Mentor I as my mentor later that year. After I had had a talk with another lady in the curriculum office who intimated that I needed to fight for my job. So Mentor I became my mentor. We had nice talks. She was BFH’s boss and I am sure that some of our conversations made it to him. As long as she was in the picture BFH was excited because now he had the right person on the bus. Suddenly all went well.
We had a situation in December of 2009 which could have been prevented. We had a couple of students ready to fight and Dean Two jumped in and it ended up being a mob situation. I was not at work as I admit that I find it tough to get to work before 8am so that is my fault. BFH came over (later I found out that an office worker told him he had to go. He had something planned with his wife). We went into instant mode on the fight and got the kids off campus. One student who is quite unpredictable told BFH to fuck off. Oh boy, that did not go well. I got a long memo on that one which was not signed and went to both my dean and secretary before it came to me and I know it was his rantings as he cannot sit down and have a diplomatic conversation. BFH prides himself on knowing how to deal with our student population and I am sure was quite embarrassed when the kid told him to F off. I was at fault for not being there although I know that I could not have stopped something that five men could not have prevented.
My pride and my eagerness to move up also got in my way during this situation. BFH was looking for a way to move out my colleague, A colleague, who was not performing well at our other school. I suggested to him that he could have one principal over both schools, an asst principal and a dean. He suddenly decided this was the case. At this time I allowed BFH to make me principal of two schools and to not take extra money for this. I did this to support the organization and this was the first time I talked with him about moving out of the principalship and into a new job. A conversation which was used against me later.
BFH put Dean Three in the job at School Two, screwed Dean Two out of a job increase, and put me in as principal of both schools. It was at this time that things really started to deteriorate. BGH wanted me to be principal but let me know that, “HE did not want me anywhere near that school”, and that “I was to stay clear of Dean Three”. That was fine and dandy until June 15 when I had to cover there because A colleague went off on a vacation and Dean Three had no days left. BFH then wanted me there to cover the school and at this point it was ok for me to be there.
He is a user and an abuser and a screamer. People are disposable to him. He knows how to build his factions to make the bullying work and he will fall and fall hard some day. Have seen it happen now to another who was in this boat. BFH has no balls, has no confidence in his ability to make decisions, and does not know what he is doing. He would never put himself out to help teachers, he hates teachers in fact, and he would never put himself out to help a principal. Barks a lot and does not have a leadership bone in his body. He is really scared and insecure and in some ways I feel sorry for him. (Cant believe I said that)
So then, soon after that, I took over both jobs. Took my time during the summer to train both deans so they could take over as principals. BFH and I had words a couple of times. He pounded his fist on the table and let me know that he was not going to give me more money. He also told me that he would “tell you this one more time and see if you get it”. Rather disrespectful I would say. Problem is, I have no respect for him. He knows nothing about leadership, building a sustainable organization, or how to really build a place that works for kids. Instead it is all about breaking down to rebuild and stomping on people along the way. I guess it is differences in style, but I know that the superintendents with longevity that I have met all talk about the importance of building relationships and meeting people at their level.
While I was running two schools during the summer with no other administrative support, I also was facilitating curriculum writing with teachers from four schools. This after I had brought Learning I into the district and helped process this. Other things that I did accomplish during my time with BFH: instituted awards ceremonies at School One, student of the week, set the framework for fifteen credits per quarter, pyramid of interventions for SARB, in school suspension, power writing, mapped core curriculum, approval of new textbooks, mapped ELL curriculum, created ROP survey class, middle school social skills class, facilitated mapping of independent study curriculum, Open House, healed relationships with districts in County, new student orientation, Progressive discipline.
I worked pretty hard to bring it all to a head in the summer, in fact even working on my vacation so I could have it ready for August 20. He left me alone all summer and also during the time that I fell in May and had to take three weeks off work. All was well until the API scores came out in early September.
That is when things got really tight. Not sure if it was because the scores came down and they decided to get rid of me, or if they finally had an excuse to move me out. I talked with the staff about the scores dipping and they wanted to meet with him. This resulted in the BIG meeting with BFH and his colleague. They accused us of warehousing kids, trying to save them, and not teaching them. I took the responsibility for the scores dipping and let them know that I was not happy being a principal and that I could not be a principal and a curriculum director. I also upheld Boss from Hell at this point and let her know that he did not make me do the curriculum. In addition, I brought up the fact that when we tried to send students back, BFH intervened and usurped my decision making. I also let them know that I could do one job or the other but not both and that if anyone was responsible for trying to save kids it was me. That would could make it through the rest of the year and then see where we ended up. It was a very heated meeting and I probably said too much, but it was real and I am done playing games with them and covering for him.
Also, BFH and I had two other conflicts> I pressed him because he would not get us and SRO and and as he said, “Held his feet to the fire’ to get an answer as to his intent. The other time was when a special ed parent threw a fit because she had to wait for an IEP and he questioned our orientation process. He and I went around and round about this one and I finally told him that if he wanted to change it to let us know what he wanted and we would do so. He also questioned the use of Ima to work with Latino parents and at this time I knew he had no clue to the importance of building relationships during orientation.
He has also accused me of being old school and trying to save kids.
So back to the meeting with BFHII. They ended the meeting by telling me to push the hold button on any changes and to let the committee take over. Program Improvement will open the door to a governance committee. I was told that they would periodically email me and let me know any changes that were coming about. I sent BFH a few emails outlining situations with kids with the intent of trying to open him to some of the issues that we face. None were disrespectful or intimidating.
We had two students enroll with low reading scores and I wanted to put in reading interventions. I emailed BFH and his colleague to ask for an update on what the district was doing to help our school. All hell broke loose at this time. BFH showed up at our school and pulled me from a staff meeting to chastise me over emails that I had sent. He also directed me to drop a student for non attendance. I was hesitant to do this as I think they stay on our roster until another school picks them up and I knew that his home school district was intent on him being with us. He then told me he would check into it and send me an email directing this with which I agreed. I then asked him for a reference letter. This was the third time I had asked for such letters. He never ever followed through.
The next day they posted a position for Director II of Assessment and Accountability. I went over to HR to go through applications for a math teacher and the Nepotistic was there. I was informed that a member of HR as well as district people would now sit on our committee. In addition, BFH and the Nepotistic had already done the paper cut and had chosen who to interview. This is different than any process we had used before. Nepotistic let me know that he would be sitting on the panel or bringing in someone from teacher Ed. I then had a conversation that I now regret. I went to the Nepotistic to discuss my job status. He let me know that at that point there were no signs that I would not be rehired. I told him about how I felt harassed by BFH and that I had documentation on him. I also let him know that in my opinion BFH had never cared for me and that my opinion was that he felt intimidated by me and my knowledge of school runnings.
I then inquired about the Director position and Nepotistic told me they were looking for someone with data experience. Secretary asked me what was going on as she had never seen this happen before. She also let me know that I was the best principal she had encountered at School One. Nepotistic listened and later shared all that I had to say with BFH. So much for confidentiality.
I took off the next day and went to my sister’s wedding. Called in with a headache when in reality I just needed to get ready. This got HR moving. They ordered me a new chair from our ergonomic study. HA. At least I know I can make them dance.
After I got back we had a LEAP meeting and this was to discuss the process of the alternative governance committee. I was quite reticent, mainly with the fact that Nepotistic II, queen bee, was making decisions without even being on our campus. I did feel the need to support the teachers and this is what I did . We brainstormed strengths and weaknesses and then we moved on. I showed myself that day a bit as I was frustrated. Old school was mentioned again as was a comment from BFH regarding the fact that he had had a long conversation with HR. Nepotistic II made the comment that we were warehousing kids and not teaching them. That was the only time I went through the ceiling.
That was more of the downhill slide. I applied for the position of Director and then after some thought decided to pull out. Instead of leaving well enough alone, Nepotistic called me to make sure that I wanted to do this. That left me with doubt, the eternal optimist, that there may be a role left for me there after all. I have moved around a lot and I really did not want to make another move unless I had to.
After a week end of thought, I put myself back in the paper cut. I also that week had a chance to spend some time with friends from a previous district where I used to work. This was a good reminder of how it feels to work with a group which respects you.
The interview panel for director was quite a mix. Nepotistic II and Boss from Hell. Learning II, one I consider to be fair, Nepotistic, who I wanted so much to trust and found out he is a cad, S, BFH’s previous as principal, Mentor I, my previous mentor and BFH’s previous boss.
I interviewed for the position of director. Did not get in the second round. The Nepotist said I did a good performance. Other comments: good interview, evident how much you care for the kids, good interview, good luck on that doctorate. I did all of the right things. Thanked BFH for the interview and let him know that I know it is tough to pass over someone in the organization for someone outside. Extended my hand. It pained him to shake my hand and he would not look me in the eye. Once again , I feel sorry that he has to demean someone else to make himself look good.
I had a conversation with Nepotist that day. He let me know that the two finalists had experience bringing schools out of PI. I can live with that, I asked if they were men or women as BFH likes to put men in positions of leadership. Nepotist let me know that he could not tell me that. I asked him why he did not just leave well enough alone. He said it was his job to call me back like that. I let him know I had applied in another district, which he later shared with BFH.
I did all of the right things. Thanked the panelists. Let them know I would work with the director, and all of the right things. While I was waiting for results from the interview. I attended the Datawise Conference with district colleagues and had a wonderful experience.
In the meantime, things went on at my school. After the conversations, I attended a LEAP meeting last week that was a mess as they rescheduled and did not communicate the intent too well. I have continued to work with our teachers on curriculum and instruction, and now assessment, and we are moving in a good direction.
At the principals meeting, one other principal made the mistake of bringing up teachers who meet the socioeconomic needs of kids as well as their academic needs. BFH as usual responded aggressively and in a threatening manner. I attempted to support the other principal and BFH threw his head around and sighed out loud. It was very evident that he was disturbed. In fact, this is how I can still make him dance. BFH later brought the superintendent to the branch meeting because it was at my school. I also saw this same behavior recently during a meeting with BFH and Dean Two when I mentioned that I told teachers not to break up fights.
I had been asked previously to discuss datawise at our next meeting. When we brought up the topic, the other attendees did a great job of putting things in perspective. I asked for the floor and saw the glances exchanged between BFH and the supt. amazing how I can get their goat so easily. I made sure to make the comment light and appreciative.
After the meeting BFH wanted to meet with Dean Two and me. Dean Two was busy so I took this opportunity to discuss with BFH my status with the organization. He then let me know that it would be politically incorrect to keep me as principal that it was politically incorrect to put me in the Director’s position, that he knew I was not interested in being a principal and that he did not think I had a vested interest in School One. He also let me know that I had no rights and that he would be happy to write me a reference letter and let me out of my contract if I found something else. I brought up how disposable people seemed to be at DISTRICT and he compared me to a teacher that I was considering not rehiring. He let me know that there were some moments when I did some good things, but that for the most part he gave me an extra year to try to make it. He also let me know that he did not want teachers coming to him next week and going off because I was not being rehired. He once again accused me of being too interested in caretaking and that he wanted something new and innovative. He also spoke about the director and said he was afraid that I could not work side by side with this person. He never looked me in the eye and he talked to the air. Earlier that day, at the principal’s meeting, he referred to me as the “site administrator” when he was discussing School One. He said that he could not see any place in DISTRICT that I would have a chance to get a job. He also said that he could not speak to reorganization in reference to Dean Two and Dean Three.
I left the conversation by explaining clearly that I did not want to leave DISTRICT and that I would look for another job under duress.
Since then I have told a number of people about the job demise. My secretary, his secretary, our attendance clerk, the counselor and two deans. I also shared with someone in curriculum and instruction and one of my supt mentors. I have not yet told the teachers but will do so when I get my reference letter. I have been advised to check for ACSA for my rights and know that I do not want to stay there if I am not wanted. I can look back at three incidents where he tried to hold me under for fear that I would get too much attention from others: superintendent, student services meeting, and the WASC luncheon. I wonder how he and Woman Hater I will cover for this with the Board as I know I am very well regarded by them.
DISTRICT has a history of doing this. Most people are shocked. He does not receive positive reviews from people who are not from his previous district. He is a jerk, a narcissus, insensitive, and a power monger. People see him this way and he will fall and fall hard. I do not have to do anything now except take care of myself. I feel bad for Dean Two because he is falling right into the trap and I am afraid he will come out with a short stick. I hope not and his wife will make it work for him.
If I had it to do over and had still taken this job, this is what I would have done. Kept Dean One and never brought Dean Two over. Hired a counselor from the beginning who could have helped with the kids, and not done any favors. I cannot do favors or take care of people anymore. Dean Two is a nice guy but I erred when I tried to play fair and give him a spot. I do not want this to end negatively. All will fall where it falls. BFH will survive, I will survive, and the staff will land on their feet.
I would suggest to female teachers or leaders to beware and I would suggest to administrator there to play the game. I have no respect for Woman Hater I, Boss from Hell, or WHater II as they are all good ole boys who throw women away in a heartbeat. Nothing worse to me. Gloria Alfred, here I come
I will survive. I will find a good therapist. Find a good job. And I will continue to help kids and teachers be the best that they can be. Wake up call to me to take care o myself and not let my idealism get in the way. Brutus betrayed Caesar and fell himself. I hope Dean Two has the maturity to see past this and not fall into the mix, but I will not save him this time.
November 21, 2010
Well, the last two years of my life have been pretty tough but I am not going to let them get me down. The last two years have been my opportunity to experience the boss from hell. I was hired to take over a struggling school in July of 2008. I originally turned down the offer and probably should have followed my gut at that time and let it go. But I did not. I have had a pretty good career, but do find that API scores and being a principal is not my thing. I will be probably moving out of that mode in the next job.
When I started there they had just run out the last principal. Principals usually make it there for about two years before they run them out and put someone else in. One district regime was on the outs and another was coming in which also could have been my first indication to stay put. But I took the chance mainly because I hated the weather in the district I was currently working in as principal. I also took a bit of a pay cut and ended up having to work more days in the school year. Looking back it was all of a kind of bad move.
I guess I kind of play a victim or so I am finding because I do tend to attract bullies. I think this is because I am pretty nice and compliant and do my job and advocate for teachers. It pisses off those who like the command and control mode. I also have a lot of experience and tend to intimidate people.
Boss from hell came into my life after the man who hired me left. My first opportunity to meet him was at a party in December of 2008. This of course was hosted by the current other BFHII. Boss from hell has no compassion. He is from a poor home and is a fighter and has very little class. No compassion. He wants to make kids “tough” and he is a strong advocate for vocational ed. Blue collar all the way, boss from hell is a climber. He is narcissistic and he would walk on anyone to get what he wants. He prides himself on being a scrapper. Lives for winners and losers and hates women in administration. He took some time for us at the party and then was whisked out by his wife. I have heard that his wife rules the roost which is probably why he is so power hungry. She probably emasculates him regularly.
Our next meeting came during Christmas break that year. He came into my office and his look of disgust was apparent. His distaste for me, my office, and my style was very evident. BFH wants a sleek, innovative, and streamlined process. I was there once too. Until I realized that you have to have a balance. I am overweight and that day was wearing jeans as I was cleaning out files. I anticipated that he would take a chance to get to know me, see where I had been, and talk about goals. Nope. BFH could have cared less about what I brought to the table. He came to let me know what his plans were. I immediately knew that this relationship was not going to work. BFH had his agenda set and it had nothing to do with meeting people where they were.
BFH then took off and that was the beginning of the end for me. Our next encounter that I remember was during a branch meeting. He was pontificating as he usually does and letting us know that the supt wanted the teachers in dress code. His tone is cool. He talks down to us, and he does not impress me at all. Probably because he has no use for me and never did. I have read that during mobbing incidents, the scapegoat becomes almost invisible. That was BFH’s desire I think. That day I asked a question about dress code and he lost his cool. That was the end of our relationship for me. I discussed my distaste with his style with A colleague who later went right to him and shared the conversation. My mistake, do not trust anyone.
Our next incident occurred one day when we had a fight at school. I was home with a broken water heater and we had an incident which involved an employee hitting a student. He came unglued with me the next day. Never mind that I was not even there, or that the employees involved made wrong choices or that the ones involved were ones I had inherited from previous administration. It was my fault and I was at fault. Somewhere in here he also went off on my for my leadership and made me discuss which teachers were ineffective and let me know that he wanted me to put in writing each teacher and what I was going to do with them. I was appalled that he would take such a Woman Hater Id. Not to discuss it and problem solve about any issues, but that he wanted me to put it in writing. I let him know then that I did not feel any sense of trust with him or with his regime and that I would finish the year and then move on. He then backpedaled and sent me an email and let me know that he and the supt were totally in synch with me and so that was the end of that.
For awhile after that, things went well. I know that the supt also does not approve of my looks or my actions or me in general. He is divorced, had an affair, dumped both the wife and the mistress, and is pretty narcissist. Talks a lot of stuff but does not seem to follow through. They all seem to think women are pretty disposable. Also, Woman Hater II, head of another organization, who I really liked at first, found out he is the same way. If I knew the truth, he has probably been banging Victim II and Victim I, now is divorced and will probably throw both of them to the side. Just a perception of course.
I met Mentor I as my mentor later that year. After I had had a talk with another lady in the curriculum office who intimated that I needed to fight for my job. So Mentor I became my mentor. We had nice talks. She was BFH’s boss and I am sure that some of our conversations made it to him. As long as she was in the picture BFH was excited because now he had the right person on the bus. Suddenly all went well.
We had a situation in December of 2009 which could have been prevented. We had a couple of students ready to fight and Dean Two jumped in and it ended up being a mob situation. I was not at work as I admit that I find it tough to get to work before 8am so that is my fault. BFH came over (later I found out that an office worker told him he had to go. He had something planned with his wife). We went into instant mode on the fight and got the kids off campus. One student who is quite unpredictable told BFH to fuck off. Oh boy, that did not go well. I got a long memo on that one which was not signed and went to both my dean and secretary before it came to me and I know it was his rantings as he cannot sit down and have a diplomatic conversation. BFH prides himself on knowing how to deal with our student population and I am sure was quite embarrassed when the kid told him to F off. I was at fault for not being there although I know that I could not have stopped something that five men could not have prevented.
My pride and my eagerness to move up also got in my way during this situation. BFH was looking for a way to move out my colleague, A colleague, who was not performing well at our other school. I suggested to him that he could have one principal over both schools, an asst principal and a dean. He suddenly decided this was the case. At this time I allowed BFH to make me principal of two schools and to not take extra money for this. I did this to support the organization and this was the first time I talked with him about moving out of the principalship and into a new job. A conversation which was used against me later.
BFH put Dean Three in the job at School Two, screwed Dean Two out of a job increase, and put me in as principal of both schools. It was at this time that things really started to deteriorate. BGH wanted me to be principal but let me know that, “HE did not want me anywhere near that school”, and that “I was to stay clear of Dean Three”. That was fine and dandy until June 15 when I had to cover there because A colleague went off on a vacation and Dean Three had no days left. BFH then wanted me there to cover the school and at this point it was ok for me to be there.
He is a user and an abuser and a screamer. People are disposable to him. He knows how to build his factions to make the bullying work and he will fall and fall hard some day. Have seen it happen now to another who was in this boat. BFH has no balls, has no confidence in his ability to make decisions, and does not know what he is doing. He would never put himself out to help teachers, he hates teachers in fact, and he would never put himself out to help a principal. Barks a lot and does not have a leadership bone in his body. He is really scared and insecure and in some ways I feel sorry for him. (Cant believe I said that)
So then, soon after that, I took over both jobs. Took my time during the summer to train both deans so they could take over as principals. BFH and I had words a couple of times. He pounded his fist on the table and let me know that he was not going to give me more money. He also told me that he would “tell you this one more time and see if you get it”. Rather disrespectful I would say. Problem is, I have no respect for him. He knows nothing about leadership, building a sustainable organization, or how to really build a place that works for kids. Instead it is all about breaking down to rebuild and stomping on people along the way. I guess it is differences in style, but I know that the superintendents with longevity that I have met all talk about the importance of building relationships and meeting people at their level.
While I was running two schools during the summer with no other administrative support, I also was facilitating curriculum writing with teachers from four schools. This after I had brought Learning I into the district and helped process this. Other things that I did accomplish during my time with BFH: instituted awards ceremonies at School One, student of the week, set the framework for fifteen credits per quarter, pyramid of interventions for SARB, in school suspension, power writing, mapped core curriculum, approval of new textbooks, mapped ELL curriculum, created ROP survey class, middle school social skills class, facilitated mapping of independent study curriculum, Open House, healed relationships with districts in County, new student orientation, Progressive discipline.
I worked pretty hard to bring it all to a head in the summer, in fact even working on my vacation so I could have it ready for August 20. He left me alone all summer and also during the time that I fell in May and had to take three weeks off work. All was well until the API scores came out in early September.
That is when things got really tight. Not sure if it was because the scores came down and they decided to get rid of me, or if they finally had an excuse to move me out. I talked with the staff about the scores dipping and they wanted to meet with him. This resulted in the BIG meeting with BFH and his colleague. They accused us of warehousing kids, trying to save them, and not teaching them. I took the responsibility for the scores dipping and let them know that I was not happy being a principal and that I could not be a principal and a curriculum director. I also upheld Boss from Hell at this point and let her know that he did not make me do the curriculum. In addition, I brought up the fact that when we tried to send students back, BFH intervened and usurped my decision making. I also let them know that I could do one job or the other but not both and that if anyone was responsible for trying to save kids it was me. That would could make it through the rest of the year and then see where we ended up. It was a very heated meeting and I probably said too much, but it was real and I am done playing games with them and covering for him.
Also, BFH and I had two other conflicts> I pressed him because he would not get us and SRO and and as he said, “Held his feet to the fire’ to get an answer as to his intent. The other time was when a special ed parent threw a fit because she had to wait for an IEP and he questioned our orientation process. He and I went around and round about this one and I finally told him that if he wanted to change it to let us know what he wanted and we would do so. He also questioned the use of Ima to work with Latino parents and at this time I knew he had no clue to the importance of building relationships during orientation.
He has also accused me of being old school and trying to save kids.
So back to the meeting with BFHII. They ended the meeting by telling me to push the hold button on any changes and to let the committee take over. Program Improvement will open the door to a governance committee. I was told that they would periodically email me and let me know any changes that were coming about. I sent BFH a few emails outlining situations with kids with the intent of trying to open him to some of the issues that we face. None were disrespectful or intimidating.
We had two students enroll with low reading scores and I wanted to put in reading interventions. I emailed BFH and his colleague to ask for an update on what the district was doing to help our school. All hell broke loose at this time. BFH showed up at our school and pulled me from a staff meeting to chastise me over emails that I had sent. He also directed me to drop a student for non attendance. I was hesitant to do this as I think they stay on our roster until another school picks them up and I knew that his home school district was intent on him being with us. He then told me he would check into it and send me an email directing this with which I agreed. I then asked him for a reference letter. This was the third time I had asked for such letters. He never ever followed through.
The next day they posted a position for Director II of Assessment and Accountability. I went over to HR to go through applications for a math teacher and the Nepotistic was there. I was informed that a member of HR as well as district people would now sit on our committee. In addition, BFH and the Nepotistic had already done the paper cut and had chosen who to interview. This is different than any process we had used before. Nepotistic let me know that he would be sitting on the panel or bringing in someone from teacher Ed. I then had a conversation that I now regret. I went to the Nepotistic to discuss my job status. He let me know that at that point there were no signs that I would not be rehired. I told him about how I felt harassed by BFH and that I had documentation on him. I also let him know that in my opinion BFH had never cared for me and that my opinion was that he felt intimidated by me and my knowledge of school runnings.
I then inquired about the Director position and Nepotistic told me they were looking for someone with data experience. Secretary asked me what was going on as she had never seen this happen before. She also let me know that I was the best principal she had encountered at School One. Nepotistic listened and later shared all that I had to say with BFH. So much for confidentiality.
I took off the next day and went to my sister’s wedding. Called in with a headache when in reality I just needed to get ready. This got HR moving. They ordered me a new chair from our ergonomic study. HA. At least I know I can make them dance.
After I got back we had a LEAP meeting and this was to discuss the process of the alternative governance committee. I was quite reticent, mainly with the fact that Nepotistic II, queen bee, was making decisions without even being on our campus. I did feel the need to support the teachers and this is what I did . We brainstormed strengths and weaknesses and then we moved on. I showed myself that day a bit as I was frustrated. Old school was mentioned again as was a comment from BFH regarding the fact that he had had a long conversation with HR. Nepotistic II made the comment that we were warehousing kids and not teaching them. That was the only time I went through the ceiling.
That was more of the downhill slide. I applied for the position of Director and then after some thought decided to pull out. Instead of leaving well enough alone, Nepotistic called me to make sure that I wanted to do this. That left me with doubt, the eternal optimist, that there may be a role left for me there after all. I have moved around a lot and I really did not want to make another move unless I had to.
After a week end of thought, I put myself back in the paper cut. I also that week had a chance to spend some time with friends from a previous district where I used to work. This was a good reminder of how it feels to work with a group which respects you.
The interview panel for director was quite a mix. Nepotistic II and Boss from Hell. Learning II, one I consider to be fair, Nepotistic, who I wanted so much to trust and found out he is a cad, S, BFH’s previous as principal, Mentor I, my previous mentor and BFH’s previous boss.
I interviewed for the position of director. Did not get in the second round. The Nepotist said I did a good performance. Other comments: good interview, evident how much you care for the kids, good interview, good luck on that doctorate. I did all of the right things. Thanked BFH for the interview and let him know that I know it is tough to pass over someone in the organization for someone outside. Extended my hand. It pained him to shake my hand and he would not look me in the eye. Once again , I feel sorry that he has to demean someone else to make himself look good.
I had a conversation with Nepotist that day. He let me know that the two finalists had experience bringing schools out of PI. I can live with that, I asked if they were men or women as BFH likes to put men in positions of leadership. Nepotist let me know that he could not tell me that. I asked him why he did not just leave well enough alone. He said it was his job to call me back like that. I let him know I had applied in another district, which he later shared with BFH.
I did all of the right things. Thanked the panelists. Let them know I would work with the director, and all of the right things. While I was waiting for results from the interview. I attended the Datawise Conference with district colleagues and had a wonderful experience.
In the meantime, things went on at my school. After the conversations, I attended a LEAP meeting last week that was a mess as they rescheduled and did not communicate the intent too well. I have continued to work with our teachers on curriculum and instruction, and now assessment, and we are moving in a good direction.
At the principals meeting, one other principal made the mistake of bringing up teachers who meet the socioeconomic needs of kids as well as their academic needs. BFH as usual responded aggressively and in a threatening manner. I attempted to support the other principal and BFH threw his head around and sighed out loud. It was very evident that he was disturbed. In fact, this is how I can still make him dance. BFH later brought the superintendent to the branch meeting because it was at my school. I also saw this same behavior recently during a meeting with BFH and Dean Two when I mentioned that I told teachers not to break up fights.
I had been asked previously to discuss datawise at our next meeting. When we brought up the topic, the other attendees did a great job of putting things in perspective. I asked for the floor and saw the glances exchanged between BFH and the supt. amazing how I can get their goat so easily. I made sure to make the comment light and appreciative.
After the meeting BFH wanted to meet with Dean Two and me. Dean Two was busy so I took this opportunity to discuss with BFH my status with the organization. He then let me know that it would be politically incorrect to keep me as principal that it was politically incorrect to put me in the Director’s position, that he knew I was not interested in being a principal and that he did not think I had a vested interest in School One. He also let me know that I had no rights and that he would be happy to write me a reference letter and let me out of my contract if I found something else. I brought up how disposable people seemed to be at DISTRICT and he compared me to a teacher that I was considering not rehiring. He let me know that there were some moments when I did some good things, but that for the most part he gave me an extra year to try to make it. He also let me know that he did not want teachers coming to him next week and going off because I was not being rehired. He once again accused me of being too interested in caretaking and that he wanted something new and innovative. He also spoke about the director and said he was afraid that I could not work side by side with this person. He never looked me in the eye and he talked to the air. Earlier that day, at the principal’s meeting, he referred to me as the “site administrator” when he was discussing School One. He said that he could not see any place in DISTRICT that I would have a chance to get a job. He also said that he could not speak to reorganization in reference to Dean Two and Dean Three.
I left the conversation by explaining clearly that I did not want to leave DISTRICT and that I would look for another job under duress.
Since then I have told a number of people about the job demise. My secretary, his secretary, our attendance clerk, the counselor and two deans. I also shared with someone in curriculum and instruction and one of my supt mentors. I have not yet told the teachers but will do so when I get my reference letter. I have been advised to check for ACSA for my rights and know that I do not want to stay there if I am not wanted. I can look back at three incidents where he tried to hold me under for fear that I would get too much attention from others: superintendent, student services meeting, and the WASC luncheon. I wonder how he and Woman Hater I will cover for this with the Board as I know I am very well regarded by them.
DISTRICT has a history of doing this. Most people are shocked. He does not receive positive reviews from people who are not from his previous district. He is a jerk, a narcissus, insensitive, and a power monger. People see him this way and he will fall and fall hard. I do not have to do anything now except take care of myself. I feel bad for Dean Two because he is falling right into the trap and I am afraid he will come out with a short stick. I hope not and his wife will make it work for him.
If I had it to do over and had still taken this job, this is what I would have done. Kept Dean One and never brought Dean Two over. Hired a counselor from the beginning who could have helped with the kids, and not done any favors. I cannot do favors or take care of people anymore. Dean Two is a nice guy but I erred when I tried to play fair and give him a spot. I do not want this to end negatively. All will fall where it falls. BFH will survive, I will survive, and the staff will land on their feet.
I would suggest to female teachers or leaders to beware and I would suggest to administrator there to play the game. I have no respect for Woman Hater I, Boss from Hell, or WHater II as they are all good ole boys who throw women away in a heartbeat. Nothing worse to me. Gloria Alfred, here I come
I will survive. I will find a good therapist. Find a good job. And I will continue to help kids and teachers be the best that they can be. Wake up call to me to take care o myself and not let my idealism get in the way. Brutus betrayed Caesar and fell himself. I hope Dean Two has the maturity to see past this and not fall into the mix, but I will not save him this time.
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