Christmas Reflections

Merry Christmas
It is always fun to reflect on Christmas past. What are some most precious Christmas memories?

1. Sarah Rohlfing walking  by the moving Coca Cola Santa and tapping him on the shoulder and saying, "Hi Ho Ho" when she was about two. The year Santa left some of Jared's presents at the store. Filling stockings and watching my niece and nephew open gifts, grow up, and seeing the joy in their eyes with love.

2. Waking up on Christmas morning as a kid to find presents, open them with family, and the spirit of Christmas. My Dad and his work putting things together, Aunt Rita and Uncle Marvin being there on Christmas Eve and me trying to go to sleep. Calling all of my friends as a tween and teen ager to tell them what I got for Christmas. Making sure my Mom had presents after my Dad died so she was not left out. The year Chris and I got microwaves and Sue at age ten or so looked with fear at the same size box thinking she had a microwave too. Grandma's house. All of the cousins. The food. The farm.

3. Christmas Eve at Holy Cross Lutheran Church. The year we could not go because of the snow. The year we went and were a half hour late because we got the time wrong. Singing Christmas songs. O Come All Ye Faithful. Years of Silent Night by candlelight with my friend Joni there with the family. Getting bags with peanuts, an orange, and some candy as a kid after the service. Having to go to practice every Saturday before to practice for the program. The year I directed the program myself.

4. Going to my Mom's house on Christmas Eve after church where she made all kinds of delightful food. Drinks, friends, and family. We never knew who may be there. Pat, Joni, Jerri. Donny. Joe. Grandma.  Brandy slushes. Those little cheesecakes. Her fudge. Giving Jerri a packet with her fudge every year, even after she moved to CA. Pictures in front of the Christmas tree. Making sure Sue always had a good Christmas. The year Santa forgot to fill the stockings.

5. Christmas in California. Staying up until the wee hours on Christmas Eve to play Santa. Going outside at 7:00 to see Santa fly over Ventura. Lunch on Christmas Eve with the family and a fun Christmas Eve at Chris and Kim's.

6. Eating Chinese for Christmas dinner with Gail the year I did not fly to California. We drove all over St. Louis to find a restaurant open. She drove down to St. Louis so I would not be alone at Christmas. The night before Joni was married and I was in her wedding.

7. Sue, Chris, Mom, Dad, Grandma. So many Christmas Eves and Christmas mornings. The blend of the religious reason for the holiday with the joy of gifts and giving. The year we lost my Dad and how we had to keep going and make it happy. Years with Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Cecil and going to their house for dinner. Always driving up there Christmas night when I was in California and sitting with them.

8. Christmas movie and lunch on Christmas Day with my mom. Our time to celebrate. We have seen some good movies in our time, have had to look for restaurants open, and at times have settled for movies on TV and grilled cheese and tomato soup.

9. Christmas Eve in the bars in Vandalia. Cannot speak of Christmas without this. Bartending after church so people with kids could be home with their children. Jay's and bartending with Brad Tedrick when both of us knew nothing about how to bartend. The Full Moon so Fred could be with his family on Christmas Eve. Lots of joy and lots of tips. Years of waitressing on Christmas Eve day. Happy people and a chance to see people I normally did not see. One Christmas Eve where I chased Deb all over Vandalia and missed church cause I was at the Office with Josephine.

10. All of the years of baking cookies for students and making Christmas packets for them. Working with students to put together Christmas programs in our classroom and inviting all of the parents. Watching them create and grow and put together great ideas. Showing them the Christmas classics: White Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, Christmas in Connecticut. Could not do that now as a teacher, but it was the tradition in my classroom. And we always wrote a movie review.  Taking pictures of students in front of the classroom Christmas tree.

11. Being upstairs at Wayne's and watching the snow come down over the Statehouse lawn through the big windows. Watching the video jukebox and hearing for the first time from it Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. Skinnies and Sillies. Rubin and Joni. Deb. Wayne. Taking off with Wayne on his birthday to Effingham and not coming back for hours cause we were hitting all of the highway bars. Bartending at Fred's over Christmas break and running our tales off because we were so busy.

12. Christmas parties. Vandalia Middle School. Jay's.. Wayne's. Christmas sweaters. Christmas gifts and cards. I always made it a special necessity to remember the reason for the season and though some might find it paradoxical, to make sure I combined the festivity with the birth of Jesus.
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Christmas comes and goes every year. A time to bring people together, bring out the best in us all, and to remember the Virgin Birth. Traditions change. People pass on and though their absence is evident, we persevere.  We always make sure the kids have the best of days. Everyone has traditions. My heart fills when I think of the people, the traditions, and all of the fun we have had at Christmas with family and friends.

                       Merry Christmas and may God's  blessings carry you through the New Year.

Rambling About Appreciation

Who Have You Appreciated Lately?

Appreciation is as much a trait of leadership as any other traits. Appreciation provides an opportunity to reflect on what is good in life. What do you appreciate? People, concepts, culture, art, faith, God?

Defining appreciation is an exercise in values as well as humility. Looking outward at what is good provides a greater emphasis on what we appreciate.
 As a principal I at times would write a Thanksgiving letter to let the staff know each trait of a person and how they were appreciated. I would frame this as a poem or as a letter and give as a way to support. The big necessity when doing this is ensuring that no one is missed. Letting people know what you appreciate about them is not only positive karma, it is also a way to reach out and build support.  Being appreciative is fun and uplifting to the self.

 A couple of years ago I put a gratitude post on Facebook each day of November to articulate my appreciation.

Appreciation does not end with others. It is important to define what one appreciates about oneself. This is an exercise is self enrichment and a way to ensure balance and whole life support.

Appreciation can also be a great way to build empathy in students. Having students articulate what they appreciate in their lives through writing, drawing, or speaking can enable growth and respect.

Another way to spread appreciation is to let students know why they are appreciated. I used to write a short note to my students, "I Like Because" and would give them a few sentences which reflected their gifts as I saw them. When I would hand these out,  the room became silent.  People do not often let others know how they are appreciated.

The holidays provide a natural moment to show appreciation for others, our world, and our life. Volunteerism increases during the holidays and people reach out both financially and physically. Gifts show appreciation. Short notes show appreciation. A kind word shows appreciation.

So What Do I Appreciate?

• My family.
• My friends.
• My job.
• My colleagues.
• My God.
• The cohort buddies who pushed me toward my dissertation.
• My ability to process.
• Those I have lost in my life.
• The ability to look, see, and reach out.
• Opportunity to teach others.
• Opportunity to learn.
• Opportunity to make lives better for people.
• Good health.
• Everything and everyone that has brought me to this point.
• Beauty in art and literature.
• Films and theatre.
• The beauty and diversity of California.
• The beauty and diversity of cultures and people.
• Travel
• Communication.
• A good book.

My list could go on. Creating a list of what one appreciates is a window to the soul of the person. Our biggest goal is to create something to contribute to the world and to carry on. For some that is a their children. For some a piece of art. For some a sustainable earth.

Appreciating and the process of appreciation can also be an exercise in growth for at risk kids. Often angry and victims, creating a regular process of articulating appreciation can bring kids out and begin to build trust. Students can move from reacting as a victim to reacting as a survivor.

Appreciation fills the soul. It is like sending a love letter to God to let Him know what you appreciate. If you do not believe that God gives these gifts, appreciation lists can be positive in analyzing one's life.

Appreciation is the opposite of entitlement. Appreciation reminds us that every day in every way we are responsible to look for the good, not assume, not expect, but remember that it is grace that brings us good.

Appreciation is happy too. Positive.  Letting someone know they are appreciated can make their day.
It takes little time and can make a big difference.

This is a picture of my Grandma. One of the people I appreciate so much. Her influence, support, and strength have made a difference for me, my siblings, and cousins. She worked hard, had strong faith, and loved. She was fun and funny. I am so glad I had her in my life.

Practice

Practice is in my Top 365 as it enables me to practice what I need to do to improve skill and obtain knowledge. Today I am practicing with this blog. I am practicing how to upload pictures to my blog to make it more interesting. So here goes:

God

God is a part of My Top 365. He is the Top. He keeps me humble. He holds me up when things go awry. He has embedded me with the Holy Spirit whose quiet promptings keep me focused, give me hints when I have gone too far, keep me level when my tendency to overwork and then become prideful take over.

Perhaps it is because I never had children of my own, but I sometimes think the immature side of me takes over when I attempt to become coy and make cute comments which often comes away as sarcastic and downright rude. I do this as a form of endearment but often forget that other people do not know me like I know me. My friends and family know my sense of humor but  the teasing behavior with new friends and folks can seem a bit too much. This is one way that God helps me to put on the brakes and slow down.

Another way that God helps me is to keep reminding me why I am here. Not of my own doing or because of anything I have done or created, but because He has a plan for my life and I am His to run this plan. I really do believe in the power of the Big Book in the Sky with our life road set out. I also believe that our faith is tested, not because God wants us to feel pain or Suck Up, but because he wants us to become strong in Him. It is at these times that the immature me comes through again and I start to have the Big Pity Party. Then I realize that I need to Suck it UP because God is in control and the plan is bigger than me.

Some people think that God is not real or that faith is a joke. I am not one to wrangle philosophy or religiosity. I do believe that our biggest Mission is the life we lead every day and the model we show to other people. I also know from experience that other people get offended by someone who follows the rules. It is usually because they need to the validation that they are right or at times are turned off by the goodness. Oftentimes what is really introversion and shyness comes off as aloofness. I have always known myself to be the person who needs to have a "reason" to be a part of the mass  in order to feel comfortable. An example, put me at a party and give me a job to do so I feel comfortable. Or let me be behind the bar so I serve others to participate. It is my personality and at times I think I seem anti social but I cannot do small talk really well. I think we all have areas of weakness and strength and I rely on God to get me through those tough situations where I feel extremely uncomfortable and do not know how to interact.

God is good. He reaches out to all and He gives us what we can do to make the world a better place now and forever. I think our biggest challenge in life is to be all we can be every day for the good of God. Influence the good. Build for a better tomorrow. I also think that God loves everyone. That empathy has to come through even with the roughest of people. God does not judge and He expects us to reach out and be the support that people need. Consequences are consequences yet God can warm even the hardest of hearts.

Knowing that even the hardest of hearts, the most violent people are wounded inside can give us a chance to make a difference. That is where the real challenge comes because it is easy to reach out to the status quo. It is the hardened people who need our hearts. I think when times are tough and we are vulnerable it is easy to turn to God. It is when things get better that our true faith is tested. Thus prison ministry and working with those in vulnerable situations involves a mission of keeping the faith afloat when life or circumstances become better. This is where perseverance and faith collide.

I have always been a people person and some would not call me really the model of what a Christian should be. Yet I have a good heart and I do care about people. I think that our maturity level dictates our walk. God turns our head to change when He is ready for us to be stronger. He asks us to cure addictions, turn away from immoral behaviors, and to focus on the good. He also understands that the accountability for the past is just that, past. It does not matter. God wants people today. I think this is the biggest message we can give to people. And I am not a big "religious" person. Non pious I guess. I believe and I want to live right yet I do not judge or try to mold people into an image of what it means to be a "Christian". I think God does that in people's hearts. I need to be supportive and gently nudge myself to be better and support growth in others. If not, the support become enabling and that is not good either.

The least selfish thing we can do is work on ourselves and then use that influence to reach out to others. Non arrogantly because my closet has skeletons just like everyone else. I respect strong confidence and opinions in people. I also know that my faults are big and I have to work on my own confidence and never get prideful. It is the balance of confidence and humbleness. I don't like to be prideful. I am a strong willed person and a people pleaser and sometimes that drives other people crazy. I work on taming this.  That is where compassion comes in.

It is about reaching out and being kind and giving back. I cannot judge people who do not believe in God as I see him but have other deity beliefs. I know many believe that this is wrong but I cannot go there. I think that most people have a Supreme Being that they believe in and I don't think it is my place to judge whether those who call it differently will get to Heaven.

God is My Top 365. He has seen me through more than one tough time and He always keeps me afloat. Where I often fall back is not stepping up to spread his Love to others. So that is my new goal. To give to others the kind of Love and Support that God gives to me and to hopefully bring them along in the Journey through His love. I see a sense of peace and calm in letting God direct. In letting go and letting God. I would like to give that peace of mind to others. That is my new plan and of course God is laughing because He is the Great Planner and He loves my plans. Cause I make a lot of them.

I love my life. I love my family and I love the ability to be broken and then mend. I also think that reaching out to people who are in tough places is our biggest challenge. God show us the truth and the Truth will set us free. Our challenge is to step outside our comfort zone and continue to seek new experiences, experience new truth, meet new people, and not get stuck in a place that may feel safe, but is not reaching out to others. Everyone's commission is different.

When Integrity Is Challenged

Everyone in leadership knows that trust, integrity, and being a person of one's word is imperative in leadership. Also inherent in leadership are personal blunders, being misunderstood, and personal attacks which coupled with successes, transparency, and positive relationships can make for a positive situation.  Where though is the personal integrity of a leader challenged the most?

• During a change process.
• When one is challenged by negativity such as gossip and backbiting.
• When one's personal sense of integrity is challenged.
• When challengers can use one's personal life or history to breakdown and push back.

Change Processes
Change processes require strength and the ability to build a vision and move on that vision. Inherent in the process is conflict, in fact, change breeds conflict. During the process, the old and the new must merge into a new reality and for those who resist, attacks on the integrity of the leader, his or her motives and initiatives often challenge one's integrity and ability to persevere. It is at this time that personal strength and vision, as well as personal integrity enable the individual to move past the negative and keep focusing on the future. One female superintendent I interviewed phrased it like this, " I don't read the blogs and I don't take things personally". One cannot ignore politics or they will sock one in the face. One also cannot allow political strategies to control. Having personal integrity means keeping face in light of difficult circumstances. For the change leader, this can be a daily occurrence. The key is to remember one's origin, one's beliefs, and those who will benefit the most from one's leadership.

Gossip and Backbiting
Gossip and backbiting, whether personal or professional, also challenge one's integrity. Some come with thicker skins than others. Gossip and backbiting and those who partake of it, are usually experiencing personal pain. Gossip is not truth.  One who must challenge another through such means is usually wounded and often angry and looking for a place to put it. Or they believe the gossip and communication of other's personal information is their moral imperative. Nonetheless, being the target of gossip and backbiting can be challenging to a leader and also challenge one to become defensive and lash back. This is where maintaining integrity and professionalism (or personal self control) become even more imperative. This is also once again where reading blogs and comments can enable one to know the opposition, but can also cause pain and a need to defend oneself. There is no defense for gossip. Direct and open communication is the best answer to discussing alleged skeletons in the closet or alleged indecretions. Those who tell tales and gossip are usually weak and looking for some power.  If the issue is not brought face to face, it is not worth the discussion. The leader is best to lay low, maintain personal integrity, and not feel the need to defend unless direct communication is offered. Nonetheless, gossip can kill a career or a family if left to fester. The key is to strive to function in an environment which is healthy and to be open to discuss openly any such topics. If not, there is no real recourse than to maintain integrity,  let the gossip run its course and accept the situation for what it is.

Personal Attacks
Direct hits to one's personal integrity is also a challenge. This is not the behind the scenes challenge to one's integrity through storytelling or incorrect information, this is the direct personal attack toward an individual. Probably easier to take than the backbiting, the personal direct attack is quick and sudden and usually the result of another's anger. Or fear. Leaders who are attacked personally and publicly have the prerogative to respond with an explanation or to take the high road and let the personal attack float. Usually, an attempt to explain away a personal attack results in more attack and a dialogue which can reach no resolution. Doing this publicly can further damage the leader and make one appear defensive. Best alternative to a personal attack is to take it and let it simmer. Especially in public, it is best to remain stoic and let the attacker have their way. Thank them for their comment and move on. If needed, contact them later in a calmer moment and discuss their situation. Keeping cool and not responding defensively enables one to keep their integrity and not dig into the muck. Usually the end result is positive.

Push Back to Break Others
Also akin to the change process is the challenge of a leader's personal integrity to push back or break one down. This is usually the ploy of politicans when they see they are losing. Or the ploy of people when they see a person of strength. Or the stance of those indoctrinated in a system which does not welcome change. With integrity, one must stay true to self. These agendas are the other person's agenda and problem. One is best to stay quiet, not defend, and not to become embroiled in the conflict. Focus on the positive and keep an eye to goals.  Once again, the attack is usually being done to break down strength. One's best recourse is to find a good trustful ear and discuss the situation and then move on. One cannot control the behavior or motives of another. One though can maintain integrity, attempt to understand the pushback, and stay both respectful and open to questions or concerns.

Summary
Always inherent in sitautions that challenge one's ability for self control and maintenance of integrity is the tendency to feel victimized. This is a natural reaction that one must allow to come and go and not linger. Putting oneself in high profile positions where change and political ramifications are bound to happen is the price one pays to be a leader. It is part of the deal. Uusally when one challenges the behavior or processes of another, becomes involved in their personal business, or attempts to attack to break down, the agenda really has nothing to do with the leader but with the attacker.

A leader must always hear concerns and then act according to vision.  When people are happy they have no desire to break down others. When people understand the shoes of another, they have no reason to break the other down.  Nonetheless, for leaders it happens frequently. One must listen to consitutents and be flexible to change issues, actions, and even beliefs, but the leader must stand behind his or her integrity and personal sense of self.  The conflicts are painful, hurtful, and at times result in negative consequences. Nonetheless, at the end of the day one keeps their inner sense of self, a calm demeanor, and a knowledge that people or outcomes cannot be controlled. One can only maintain oneself. Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Idealism and a belief in the good of other people will always persevere. Coupled with a listening ear and discernment in decision making, a leader can make the change process work, can build an endearing community, and can function with transparency and trust.  No leader can get to leadership without blunders, being misunderstood, or being the target of gossip and attacks. It comes with the territory. Personal integrity, openness when questioned appropriately, and a positive vision will keep the flow going and minimize the risks. All else is just fodder for negativity.

Kids

Working in alternative education for a number of years has tilted my thinking toward reaching kids and getting to the heart of their needs. Also inherent in this is reaching out to provide support for students in different situations.

Kids Are Amazing
Kids are amazing. Whether young or old, they are sponges for information and never lose that sense of excitement and enjoyment when the school year begins. Whether their interest is sports or academics or leadership, kids provide not only knowledge but dedication to their area of interest. Kids also are brutally honest and often say exactly what is on their minds. They utilize creativity and sense of humor to move things forth and often are guided by a sense of righteousness or passion for causes and events.

Kids Deserve to Be Empowered
Kids deserve to be empowered. Kids are positive and kids have great ideas and positive intent. Kids are funny and all are gifted and talented in one way or the other. It is our responsibility to reach out to kids and bring out the best in them. Whether top of the class or one who has fallen behind, we need to reach out and bring out their strengths. And the empowerment does not just happen at school. The community provides opportunity for mentoring and coaching and providing support for kids. Family time, church, and other organizations can fill the gaps.

Today I sat in a training on the strategic planning process now in place in California. Our last activity of the day was to interact with a panel of high school students who were participants with their district in the process. They were amazing, funny, honest, and dedicated. They took the responsibility of their participation very seriously and had suggestions for how to make the process even more effective.

Then I came home and called my brother, who was on his way to coach football,  only to hear the latest antics of my nephew who I love dearly. Very much an individual, this high school junior is not only smart, but talented. And what of the little ones. Earlier in the week I walked through an elementary school with the principal and saw the ingenuity and individuality of the fourth graders and the childlike participation of the first and second graders.

Then I see references on Facebook to situations where people have abused or radically mistreated kids and it makes me angry. Really angry.  Children are not only our future, they are innocent to the realities of adulthood and never responsible for their actions until the age of accountability. People who hurt kids should be hurt back. No golden rule here.

Some Miraculous Students.
I have worked with some pretty miraculous kids in my time. As play director and teacher and then as principal. Kids who told the honest truth and came out of their shells to play the parts of plays such as The Wizard of Oz and Robin Hood. Kids that I now know as adults who followed their dreams and became the person they wanted to be in high school. Kids who gave and gave and still give today. Kids who married each other and now have children of their own.

I cannot say enough about the power of youth to change our minds. Change perspectives and make the world a happier place. Move mountains and solve world problems. Maturing into adults with a great sense of integrity and a great sense of humor.  In the years of working with kids, I cannot remember one who did not deserve a great education, a chance to develop gifts and talents, and an opportunity to pursue the future of his or her choice.

Listen
We need to listen to kids. Be their mentors. Show respect. Teach manners and proper behavior. Emphasize success and health and safety. We need to allow kids to have fun and learn and become who they are.  Teachers love kids. Parents love their kids. We need to recognize them for the gift they bring to the world.

This Is How We Roll

Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line said it best... but learning to roll with life is a skill and definitely one of my Top 365.

Letting Go
Learning to Roll means letting go of the past hurts and problems and moving on to a better future. It means taking the time to heal from conflicts with friends, family members, and the world in general and not getting stuck in the process. It means forgiving others and most of all yourself for indiscretions, miscommunications, and errors in judgment.

Develop Grit
Developing grit is the ability to build that firm line and persevere. It is strength. Some people get it early in life and some people get it late. Some have it and lose it for awhile and then get it back. It is having the maturity to know when to let go and when to hang on. It is not letting defeats get in the way of your ultimate plan and mission, whether personal or professional. It is resilience. Some get it naturally and can roll and some of us  have to roll in it before we can roll on.

Strong in the Weakest Places
Strong in the weakest places means that the place where we have the most vulnerability is where we are able to stand the strongest. It is getting past the pain of the hurt and being able to withstand and move on. It is pain from early loss and fear of rejection coming back to smack us in the face again.  It carries one through, controls one, and sometimes almost breaks one... but it is the memory of happy times, fun times, people's perceptions of home, that allow us to roll on.

Childlike Wonder
That childlike wonder of trying something new. Believing that prince charming will come and that you will always be protected. Trusting in the security of God and faith and knowing that the sun will come up tomorrow and all will persevere. Knowing that Life is Good and that sometimes the hardest lessons come when we need to change the most.

Forgiveness
Forgiving those who hurt us, intentionally or non-intentionally. Understanding that people do what they do with best intentions in mind and that although evil intent does exist, most people react because of habit or lack of knowledge of a different reality or because the situation simply was not right.

Not Hanging On
Letting go is physically letting go. Not hanging on is the ability to not ruminate about the problem, to get strong, to forget about it. The bigger the problem, the harder to let go. The deeper the hurt, the harder to let go. The longer the consequence, the harder to let go. Not hanging on means moving on and getting out the mindset (and sometimes the environment) that brought on the pain. It  means faking it till you make it. It means looking out for opportunities to connect with others and reaching out. It  means becoming strong and empowered. It sometimes means letting go of traditions and people and knowing that no matter how painful, the sun does come up tomorrow.

Victim
Some of us like to play the victim and this is not a good way to roll. Victim means not letting go and moving on. Victim means becoming angry and fixing blame and seeking revenge or curling up and giving up. Victim means not fighting back with righteous indignation and instead fighting back with fear. To victim is to wallow. Victim can only visit for awhile. Then it has to go away. Instead a victor comes into place in the form of a survivor. Victim means someone did it to me and how dare they and poor, poor me. Survivor means someone did it to me,  oh yes they did, but it will not consume me. Survivor means the day of reckoning will arrive and we do not have to control it. Survivor means that it happened and is a part of me but it does not define me.

Stages of Recovery
Some people go through the recovery process quietly and then quickly move on. Some of us do it with drama and flamboyance.  We posture and we post and we systemize the process. Either is ok. The quiet ones do it and move on because they feel the anger and they lash back and move on. The loud ones do it and they feel the anger and theorize it and move on.

Snowball Down the Mountain
Recovery comes closer to those who do not have layers of unresolved issue.  For those who do not, the process is quick, get it over and move on because there are more important things to do in life than wallow over past hurts. For those who have past issues and esp for those who carry a lot of guilt, shame, and anger, moving on takes more time. The issues have to be resolved. For sensitive temperaments, this can become unbearable and an invitation to fall into victim role. Dealing and grit keeps us from becoming a perpetual victim.  They say it is like a snowball rolling down the mountain, the more baggage, the bigger the snowball becomes as it collects the snow. It is about trusting that letting go is the best answer and that the new reality will be better.

If we cannot manage to work through them, they manifest into a negative persona.  For some they manifest in addiction,  for some in isolation. People lose their joy and happiness. We have to roll on. We cannot get stuck. We have to roll on and let it go. Life is short and fun. It is finding outlets to enjoy, reading, writing, listening, speaking. It is forming a plan and making it happen. It is about surrounding oneself with happy.

After 50
Rolling after 50 is harder. It is the time to know that you are on the last half. Things become more tender, sensitive, and vital. Although the best recourse is to roll on and throw caution to the wind, it is harder. It is finding oneself again and rolling on into a new being. It is letting go of who you were, building a career and following a linear path. It is scary when it all comes to a halt, with no security in place, but it can be invigorating. A chance to start anew, meet new friends, build new relationships, try new things. It is harder for those who obtain self worth through actions. When the security base goes and the illusion of who we were based on what we did is suddenly yanked out from under us, it is harder to go on. But it is possible. It is possible because we still have all of the above and we still have that impish, eager little kid inside who is ready to try new things, conquer the world, and give to others.

55 is the New 21
When 55 becomes the new 21, all of the conventional strings can be dis attached and we can begin again with the spirit of the 21 year old and the wisdom of 55. This is how we roll. We let go of the pain of the past, the shock of the earthquake that hit our life, and we roll as a new person. We stay strong and change our mindset and we know that nothing is sacred in life, we have to go for the gusto everyday, and this is how we roll. We don't look back, we look forward and we roll on and add even more chapters. And when all else fails, we can always listed in Luke Bryan and Georgia Florida Line (or any of their colleagues) cause between Broadway and country music, there is always a new tomorrow.

The Positives of Adversity

Adversity is one of my Top 365. Adversity makes us tough. Adversity builds character and strength and teaches us to trust.

Adversity can hold one back from pursuing new interests but it can also be our best friend. Learning from failure can make one stronger and more focused on God and our life mission.  When facing failure in relationships, work, or in personal goals, one has three choices.

1. Let the failure consume you and never try again.
2. Learn from your mistakes, acknowledge the set back and move on to a better situation.
3. Run.

While running or holding back are the less painful ways to deal, they also are the less productive. We tell kids all of the time,

"Get right back out there and try again"
" Don't be defined by your mistakes. Practice, regroup, and try again"
" You are not what you do. You are who you are"
" Everything happens for a reason"

As an adult, failure and mistakes are a bit harder to take. What will the person in the next relationship or job think of me? How will I overcome? What if I never achieve again? Can I persevere? And the answer is positive to all of these. God does not make a mountain for us to climb that we cannot climb. We learn from our failures and we process them and then we move on. What was meant to be will be and although the memories may be embarrassing or painful, they are a part of life. A paragraph of clichés there but they are real.

So how to handle?
1. Check your emotional intelligence and relationship skills.
2. Check your level of fitness.
3. Check your goals and redefine if necessary.
4. Believe that good comes to all who persevere.
5. Find the message in the failure and let it be your guide.
6. Find your creative outlet.

Failure in the area of our life we focus on the most ignites a need for balance.  We need to look for a balance of work/life relationships and look to help others without berating ourselves. Life is so short. There is always an answer and it lies in a good attitude, a good heart, and the ability to see reality. We can have no more.

Looking back we can see the big picture. While in the midst, it is not so easy. Trust.

Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. Family members and spouses are precious and we often lose them too soon. You are only one step away at any time from the unemployment line. Nothing lasts forever. There is no guarantee of good health. A failure in one area does not signify a failure in life but usually a failure in a life decision.  No time for guilt,  and the failure does not define you.   No negativity intended here, but reality. We cannot sit around and fear adversity but must know that it will come and usually hit us in our strongest area. Good relationships, faith, and a good heart will help you meet it when the time comes.

Pick up and move on, don't get stuck, find the lesson, and keep a kind spirit. Turn adversity into a message. Turn bitterness into advocacy. Forgive. Keep your esteem high and your thoughts close. Better days are coming but today is only here now. Take advantage.

Don't let a dormant and angry personality become your stronghold. Grieve it and move on. Know that God  works in ways that are best  and we don't always know the message. Believe.

Celebrate Your Own Top 365

Birthdays are fun days. Last night we celebrated my niece Sarah's birthday. I loved seeing her celebrate her birthday this week because I love her so much.

Lunch out on her day, Disneyland today. Family dinner last night. Cards. Flowers, Her cakes. All but one of her cousins were there. Both grandmas. Two aunts. Her best friend. Love was in the air.

It is good to take time out to celebrate.

Take Some Time for Some Mini Rebellion

 

Use the pronoun you instead of I

Sleep an extra five minutes.

Buy a new shirt or book just because you can.

Go to Disneyland. (In spite of the fact that they raised the price today).

Take a  nap.

Watch an old movie.

Go to see the Cardinals play three times this year.

Hike to the top

Dance in the kitchen.

Drive to your favorite spot.

Go out to lunch

See a movie

Drink a martini

 

 

This may seem like a corny post but it is true. If you don't take the time, time will take over. The benefits of self discipline are numerous and necessary for success in life and sometimes the best way to enjoy is to appreciate. Self discipline is often best served with a little down time.

 

Our family has lost a lot of people in the past ten years. An aunt, two uncles, a grandma, three cousins. It's never too early to start to celebrate your own Top 365 and to make yourself one of the top of the list.

Rohlfing's Bridge

Ok. Raise your hand if you have ever been to Rohlfing's bridge.

Rohlfings' Bridge is a Bridge in Illinois which bears our name but never belonged to us. Nonetheless, it is a staple in our days of growing up in Vandalia and one of my Top 365 memories inspired by my friend Pat Billingsley who I so fondly remember one evening at the bridge. I have a few memories of the bridge.

We used to have high school parties on the bridge. It was located down the road from our house in the country and thus named after us. My Mom reminded us frequently that that was not our bridge. She did not want our name associated with that social spot.

One memory I have of the Bridge is of the boulder that sat on the right side of the road right before the bridge. It was there that my friend Pat was barreling, and I mean barreling,  down the road in her Fury and stopped suddenly. We hit the boulder full force before stopping before the bridge. We were in no way hurt, but boy did we have h..... to pay the next day explaining to Mr. Fitzgerald how that large cut got into the side of his car. As I recall we did not worry much about it that night because our philosophy was always to worry about it tomorrow.

Another memory of the Bridge relates to one of our high school teachers, Mr. Heinzmann heard Nev and I talking about going to a party at the Bridge that week end. We all congregated that night and who showed up, but Mr. Heinzmann on his Harley. You can imagine the looks of surprise of all of we high school students seeing our English teacher show up, but we made him feel welcome and were delighted to have him.

One of my other favorite memories of Rohlfing's bridge was when I was a senior in high school. We were down having a party on the Bridge and suddenly my Mom showed up in her house coat duster. It was a Friday night and our Aunt Rose had heard over the police scanner that there was a party at Rohlfing's bridge. My Mom came down and dragged me home so I would not get in trouble. She still was not happy that the Bridge was named after us. What she did not know was that my brother, always the sly one, was also at the party and under the Bridge. Being the good sister I am, I did not snitch him out.

Growing up in a small town has its perks. You grow up with great friends and build relationships that last on memories forever. Road parties are a part of it. We never hurt anyone and fortunately  no one ever was hurt.  I am not sure if kids still have parties at that Bridge or if they still call it Rohlfing's Bridge because we are long gone. What I do know is that at every get together where we have high school friends, those memories of the Bridge come up.

My Cousin Susan

My Cousin Susan is one of my Top 365's.

Susan lives in Central California and is the mom to three grown kids. She is a great mom!. She has always been kind and caring and takes great care of her kids. I love her matter of fact attitude about things and her laugh. She has a great sense of humor and I think I respect her the most because she does not get caught up in trying to prove herself and is not judgmental but accepting. . That confidence is contagious when you are around her.

Susan is a teacher and a good one.  I remember when she got her credential and how hard she worked to make things work for her kids. She also spent a period of time bouncing between two schools as administrator and at the same time she was raising her daughter. Her kids are great. I remember how much fun we had with her boys when they were younger. And her daughter is now an adult but I remember when she was younger and we would go out to eat when I would visit and she was always so sweet. Good golfer too. I

I remember years ago when we were both single and we went out a couple of times. When my brother was married, Susan came to the wedding. I took her out with my crazy friends and we had quite a time. The guys in Vandalia were quite taken with her.    One night we took over at Ship Captain Crew when she was visiting Vandalia. I like to be around Susan because she makes everyone around her feel good.

Susan is pretty and I have seen her more than once step up to the plate to take care of family members when she was needed. I think I respect her so much because she just rolls with things. She does not get caught up in second guessing and just accepts what is there for what is there. I saw this when my Aunt Dorothy passed away. Although it was very sudden, Susan took over and made sure all was together for the funeral. I saw her strength there in a time that was so unpredicted and painful.

Susan likes to go to the casino. One time when she and Aunt Dorothy were visiting me, we went to the boats in St. Louis, I won big fast. (once in a lifetime for me). They were laughing at me because after I won, I put my money up and went to the lobby and read a book. We also had fun shopping and going out to eat and one time I thought I would miss my plane because we stopped at every mall from Ventura to LA looking for some shoes for Aunt Dorothy. I

I have so much respect for Susan. Her kindness and her ability to make everyone around her feel good. I am glad to know that she is one of my Top 365.

The Wizard of Oz Brownstown High School 1990

One of my Top 365 memories goes to the cast and crew of The Wizard of Oz, Brownstown High school 1990. Upon reflection, what a labor of love.

I came into the role of play director at Brownstown as a part of my "extra curricular duties". I approached the role of play director as an opportunity to work with students to bring about an extravaganza. And that it was.........

With Dave as the Scarecrow and Tina as the Tin Man and Kelley as the Lion, they went down the Yellow Brick Road. I am not going to cite all cast members for fear of forgetting some.  Michele as the Good Witch. And who can forget Sherry as the Wicked Witch of the West and Kathy as Dorothy. We had witches brew and we had Flying Monkies. We used music from the Wizard of Oz and music from Cats. . We had the Munchkins and we had Kansas and Oz. And who to forget Jon as our Wizard,, "Oz the Great and Powerful".

We worked hard and synched the songs and dances. Parents made costumes. We did newspaper articles and radio shows and we had SO MUCH FUN. Directing plays was always a challenge at Brownstown because we were small. We had to compete with a lot of other activities and for gym space.

Nonetheless, the show did go on. TWICE. The Board asked us to do an encore performance because some of them missed the first one and heard it was good. We danced, we sang and I hope that for some of the cast members it was a chance to grow into stronger and more confident people.

As I look on those times, it was all about creating experiences for kids that would make them happy and more confident people. It was about making music and having fun and working together. Many of my Facebook friends who were students were parts of the other plays which I will probably discuss at a different time. Someday I am going to have all of those videos put onto DVD.

The lesson to be learned was: Anything is possible and go for your dreams.

I watch Glee every week. Now they have moved on to New York but the esteem and the joy of singing and acting and producing is so relevant today. I am all for a balance in education and I think the Common Core can only bring back some of the focus on creativity and collaboration which I think is good if done right. But Sometimes I get stuck on these times at Brownstown. We had it so good. Probably if I had kids of my own I would be reflecting on their plays and activities.  Yet,  I like to think that as teachers we made a difference. Today is Teacher Appreciation Day. I don't need a day of appreciation. It should be coined, Student Appreciation Day. So to the cast and crew of The Wizard of Oz, 1990, the experience was one in a lifetime and for those I keep in touch with, you have moved on to be adults to be proud of as I see it in your posts and pictures.

Lea Michelle is starring as Dorothy in the remake of Oz to be released this Friday. Bet it won't be as good as ours. Huh Kathy?  With Love. Ms R.

Holy Cross Lutheran Church

Well how can  a church be one of my Top 365? Holy Cross Lutheran Church in Vandalia, IL definitely had an influence on me and still does today. From the time I can remember we went to church every Sunday. Some Sundays my Dad would drive out to pick us up from staying all night at Grandma's, but we never missed church.

The church was a big part of our growing up. Our family friends were from the church and attended. The Thomans. The Beckmans. The Meyers. The Woolseys. My Dad sang in the choir and taught Sunday School. We were baptized there and attended Confirmation classes everrrrrrryyyyy Wednesday for four years until we were confirmed. :)

I go to church now and just as back then, the liturgy comes back to me. The communion liturgy, the benediction. The closing hymn. Such good and warm feelings that provoked. As a child knowing it was almost over and we could go home. As an adult knowing how much it is a part of who I am and what I believe to be real in life.

I remember Trick or Treating for Unicef and when we moved from the old church into the new one. There were two services and we attended the 10:30 service and  Sunday School. On Sundays we would go to breakfast with my Dad and eat at Robbin's and see my Grandma. Then to church.

My Dad was an usher too. Everyone had their regular seats where they sat each Sunday. Christmas Eve services were always really special too and such a big part of the holiday. It was never are we going to church?  Church was just a part of our lives.

Holy Cross Lutheran Church and my Dad will always be a tied in memory. We lost him so young and the church is what for me keeps him alive in my heart.

Nothing was perfect though. I can remember one time when my friend Jerri and I were sitting in front together and talking and the preacher stopped the sermon to shut us down. I love the old red hymnal. Grandma used to tell me she did not like to go to the Lutheran church because we had to stand up and sit down so much.

Recently my nephew, Jared was baptized in the Catholic Church. During the service I was sitting with my niece Sarah and we were talking. Suddenly my mom gently poked me to shut me up. I felt like I was nine years old again.  Yep. Some things never change.

But the love, the faith, the tradition, and the feeling embedded in Holy Cross Lutheran Church will withstand forever. As will the people.

"And may the peace of God which passes all human understanding keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". (Know that one by heart).

Ruth

I can only name this post, Ruth, because she would not be happy with me if I added her last name. I inherited my friendship with Ruth via marriage. Ruth is one of the most genuine people I know. She is a grandma and now a great grandma. I see her from one side, the side of her being grandma to my niece and nephew. Her other members of the family see her from a lot of other places.

I think Ruth is wonderful and she has been an influence on my life. She is kind. She stands behind her family members, and she is funny. Being around her family has enabled me to see a family that sticks together and has fun together through family tradition and love.  She has great faith and a great sense of humor. Ruth gives me the coolest gifts. Like a Yahtzee game and a roll of quarters to play. Or stamps and envelopes. She just thinks of the little things that are so important.

I felt really privileged that Ruth was a part of one of the best days of my life when I defended my dissertation. She made me feel so accomplished and I appreciated her being there so much. I think I love her so much because she loves our family so much,,, especially my niece and nephew.

Recently we all went to church to hear their family friend preach. This is an example of Ruth. The preacher brought his young daughter. It was chilly outside from the beach breeze and she was visibly cold. Ruth noticed and gave her her sweater to wear. That is Ruth. She always notices when other people need something. Then she quietly fixes it with no attention to herself.

Ruth is a mom at heart. She has a quick sense of humor and she represents all a mom is from raising kids in the 1950's and 1960's. . Always there and loving her kids. Sometimes she sends me a card with 5.00 in it just because. She makes funny jokes and reflects on situations. I also love Ruth because she is my Mom's best friend and is there for her when she needs something.

A word to describe Ruth.... barracuda. Barracuda when she needs to defend her own or stand by those she loves. She is silent but strong in her convictions.

Do not tell Ruth I wrote about her because she is humble.. and does not like attention.. and will not be happy with me when she finds out I wrote this. But I don't care.... I love her..her sense of humor... and her quick wit and family loyalty and I am so glad to put her in my Top 365.

Gerry

I worked with Gerry  Neri for a period of time when he was a teacher and I was the principal at Apollo High School. He is one of the wisest men I know. As a businessman, Gerry knew the ins and outs of leadership and working to keep momentum. He was a great teacher. He taught Economics and Social Studies and the kids loved him. He was tough, had high expectations, and kept them learning. His classroom was controlled. The students loved being in his class. He was kind.

Gerry  was supportive of me as a new principal. He respected me and I knew he had my back. He fed me the support I needed to know that I was doing a good job. He had struggles and I saw him persevere through them and to work with kids who were the most needy and make a difference for them. He was a strong male role model and I need that cause I lacked that in my development. I could look up to Gerry and when I needed to get grounded, go visit him. He did not mince words and I respect him for that.

Gerry Neri gave to the kids at Apollo the freedom to be and the accountability to be best. Definitely one of my Top 365 as I aspire to have this wisdom.