Six Weeks After You Lose Your Mom

Last Wednesday was six weeks since we lost our Mom. Time heals but the pain is in there. 

Some Thoughts in No Random Order

1.  I feel alone. My siblings have their spouses and as a single woman with no children of my own, I am feeling very lonely and lost. My mom was my best friend.

2. My world was changing before this happened and now it is become more so. 

3. The funeral and the reception were beautiful and warranted the best for my mom. I am proud we could give her such a beautiful service. 

4. After the funeral is over, the things are cleaned out, the thanks yous are written, and the notifications are made to insurance and etc, you are left with the emptiness of the loss.  That is when the grieving begins.

5. I did everything in the past few years to show love and appreciation for my mom. We still banged heads and I got impatient with her at times but I loved her and I was intentional in taking time. I have no regrets except that I wished I lived closer so I could have made her last days a bit easier. 

6. The death of a parent brings you closer to your siblings. I love my brother and sister more now than ever. 

7. All of the family dynamics take over when you lose a family member. I drank a lot of vodka during the week of the funeral and the planning and then a certain peace took over.

8. Sad. Sad is where I am. Sad that she is gone. Sad that I cannot hug her again. Sad that we did not have more time.

9. The fact that she was so sick at the end makes this easier to let go. She was so sick and I feel so bad for her.

10. You have to fight for the elderly because people in facilities take them for granted. My mom lived in her place for 5.5 years and at the end they ignored her symptoms. It probably would not have changed the outcome but may have made her last days a bit easier. I met with them, requested records, and eventually filed a complaint with the state to make sure everything was investigated. To help another family not go through this.

11. People in your life (one in mine in particular) will try to minimize the beauty of things through being critical.  In particular this one criticized my sister for changing into jeans after the funeral.. it brought out the fight in me. But best to not react . I am having a hard time because I have always been close to this person but I am slowly letting go. 

12. Losing my mom has taken me back to memories of childhood, the loss of my dad at 15 and the tender moments we had. 

13. Church and faith has always been important but now more than ever. 

14. Hug them tight.. all of them.. take advantage of every minute and opportunity.