1. They play games with people to get what they want which is often attention or control.
2. They lie, cheat, and back stab in order to keep control.
3. They attempt to keep control and continue their games by dropping small morsels or rewards.
4. They are demeaning and out for one person, self.
5. They are not in any way driven by a sense of moral responsibility or conscience.
6. They do what they are supposed to when someone in authority is watching and then they cut corners when no one is looking.
7. They shop around until they get the answers they want.
8. They play people to gain attention.
9. They create situations to make people feel inadequate and not good enough.
10. They will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat.
Worse Yet is When the Manipulator is Someone You Trust (ed)
1. Your boss
2. Your best friend
3. Your lover
4. Your parent
5. Your child.
Then the stab of the manipulation becomes more difficult because there is emotion involved. And hurt. And fear. And a sense of ambiguity about the future.
And the reaction. It is tough to hold back reactions when manipulators are at work. They are a pain in the butt for one thing. For another, if you speak up you give them more ammunition to attack further. Yet, one can only hold back for so long before the pressure cooker explodes.
1. Fear- will I lose my job? Will I be written out or replaced? The manipulator likes to keep people in a constant state of doubt.
2. Anger- When I reach out to support the manipulator and they turn on me.
3. Amazement- When they do a 180 degree and try to make you look bad.
4. Anger- When they create the conflict and drama and then turn the tables to make it look like it is your battle.
5. Embarrassment- when they throw you under the bus in front of other people.
6. Hurt- When they discard you because you are of no use to them anymore.
7. Self-Doubt- When they try to make you seem like you are no longer important or worthy.
8. Anger- When they go against their word and manipulate to get their way.
9. Frustration- When you are stuck and don't see a positive way out.
And then the solution.
1. Breathe
2. Detach
3. Make an action plan.
4. Don't imagine the worse.
5. Don't confide, discuss, or support any longer.
6. Stay away unless it is absolutely necessary to communicate.
7. Find a positive out.
8. Plan to escape.
9. Attempt not to internalize
10. Do not react and make self look bad.
All easier said than done, but good words to follow. Manipulators and narcissists have no conscience. they have no sense of right or wrong. They are driven by a need to flash self and be the best in the room. They will do what ever is necessary to gain control.
Finding self in situations over and over. One asks, how do I keep finding myself here? Do I put myself here or is this a lesson I am to learn? It is disheartening though and rough on one's health and well-being to continue to go through these types of toxic situations.
The Silver Lining
It does exist. There is always an answer. A reason. A way out. The key is to try not to let the water in the vessel and to function on the fringes. Be kind and accurate and polite but get out. The misery is in the interim. Or when one already threw away a great opportunity to exit and now is feeling even more stuck. We owe nothing to anyone. We owe only the necessary niceties. If the manipulator is a loved one or boss, they will lose out as karma does throw a hard curve ball. In the meantime, buck up baby cause it does get better.
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